The Family Dorama, Step 2!

 

Dear Mutsumi, I really thank you for clarifying the situation especially the relationship with Shogo. This has reassured me on one hand, but it brings new scenarios too.

About money (again!), I know that you haven’t asked anything. At the same time, it is my duty to pay for those expenses (I follow the Divorce Settlement). It cannot happen that you say (also in a Court) you haven’t held a meeting because I didn’t give you the money. Last time, by booking late, not having shared your plans, having put me in the risk to not find a place where to sleep, not confirming the meeting until the last minute and so on, you created a whole series of misunderstandings. And you write that it was an “unexpected situation”. I had informed you in September that I found a good hotel, also for you and the people you had to stay together. I had lost the chance because you didn’t answer and I had to book in another hotel at a much higher price. And about the trip in Italy, I have never said you had fraud anybody. I complained that I need to see more time Haruka! Only through the trip in Italy I had a chance to have a proper, rich and complete moment with our daughter. And about the last meeting, I don’t complain for the expenses or for the things we have done, but the way you both have acted, the way you treated me.

Regarding the phone call with Haruka that came out of nowhere, after years, I gladly accepted it but:

-      -    What meaning I have to give to it?

-      -    Have I to consider it either a refuse of meeting from Haruka, or an invalid way to manipulate the situation by you?

-     -    If this is the new course of the relationship? (Even though I don’t believe it). Can I expect more frequent and regular calls?

-     -     How many phone calls are the right amount to decide if a child is reliable?

-     -     In which way can I contact her again? Is there also an in-person confirmation (of few minutes) to ensure that the child has understood what has been proposed to her?

-     -     She refused to meet in April and she proposed to meet me in August, should I believe in this? Can I buy a flight ticket and book the hotel? Can I trust in a child so young, so vulnerable, so manipulable, so fickle?

-     -     Under these conditions, leaving my opportunity to be a father at the mercy of a child's whims, is unacceptable.

-     -     Since you are Japanese and tend to be precise, treating even family-related meetings as if they were business appointments, I request that we establish a clear schedule as soon as possible for our meetings (so I can buy a low-price ticket for August that is peak season in Italy).

-     -     If we consider instead this phone call as Haruka refusing to meet me, then we are entering a phase that was bound to come sooner or later. So, I will come to Japan only to let Haruka know that I was there. And when she becomes an adult, that will be the end of it.  In fact, a normal response from a child when their father asks if he can visit should be immediate and happy acceptance—not the cold response I received: 'I can't because I'm busy.' What could a child of her age possibly be so busy with? Who says and who decided that our meetings must be limited to two half-days in Tokyo? Who says that a meeting couldn’t be just half an hour a day, over multiple days, in the area where she lives? Who says I can't buy a house nearby and regularly see my daughter on weekends, even for just a few minutes?  This simply means that the child is now being spoiled and shaped by Japanese culture, and it is highly likely that our relationship will end in the emotional detachment and superficiality she is absorbing from her surroundings.

Anyway, I’ll take this opportunity to say that I’m absolutely fine with meeting Haruka with Shogo, without your presence. In fact, I have nothing against him. I want to say more: from today on, I consider him responsible for ensuring that the meetings happen regularly. Especially if you two get married. In fact, I’m worried that under Japanese law, I may no longer be recognized as Haruka’s father. So, as soon as I can, I will inform him of this. If you want, you can let him know in advance. He needs to be aware of this, at least given your health condition. And in this case, I will reimburse him for the travel expenses.