Putting things clear

April 26th 2025

 If you let Haruka meet her relatives, no one will think badly of you. At the moment, I see my family as rather neutral—in fact, I openly say that I made many mistakes with you, and I say that Japanese culture is different from Italian culture. Of course, my sister is starting to get annoyed (having also worked for the Japanese company Otsuka, she knows the cultural differences, but also knows what you can allow). For example, there’s Denise who adores you—for your grace and refinement (which is different from her mother). You’ve also always remembered the children, and children can sense that. I have no interest in speaking badly of you, even if I believe you are not fair to me, and I think you distort reality just to justify your abusive behavior toward me. But I don't tell them these things—I keep them to myself.

 

Over these 10 years, I think you’ve done quite well to safeguard your needs, allowing just enough to avoid worse consequences or not to ruin everything. And I’ve also done what I could.

 

So, I ask you to make one last effort. Just one more year of sacrifice. I won’t come in May or August. I’ll come only in November. And somehow, you let Haruka meet her Italian relatives next year. After that, who knows when the next meeting will be—very likely, never. After the meeting with my family, you and I start over from scratch. That way, everyone will feel good. No one will think badly of you— in fact, they will be grateful. You kept the door open to the future. Haruka will grow up more peacefully. Everyone will be happy to have made a meaningful, joyful trip and to have experienced another cultural perspective, understanding the differences as well.

 

I realize that this meeting gives you anxiety. It reminds me of the arguments we had when I asked if I could have a party with friends and family in Italy when you and Haruka visited. You said that if there was a party, you wouldn’t even leave. I understood a lot from that. And I think that I understand that these things cause you unbearable, almost pathological anxiety. But I also remember that after the half-day at the beach in Italy, you agreed that the experience was pleasant.

 

I truly believe that Shogo cares about you—at least like a brother. So, I say, let him help you (after all, I wasn’t able to do it, in fact, I’m creating even more psychological problems for you). I hope he can mediate between your anxiety and our needs. Let’s try to find solutions instead of continuing to hurt each other. Let’s try to eliminate the elements that cause you the most stress.

 

Honestly, I had hoped they would forget about this trip to Japan. But at every gathering, questions and suggestions came up, or the children would say things like “... I’ll save this money for the trip to Japan... this bag is perfect for the trip to Japan... when we go to Japan, can we do this too? ... I want to go see Hello Kitty...”. And now we find ourselves in this situation.

 

It all kind of started with Silvia. Who, I repeat, was also the one who suggested I come to Japan for Haruka’s birthday after your trip to Italy (it ended in disaster!). And I want to say that I only accused you of coming to Italy as a tourist after the deep disappointment of being refused a chance to see Haruka. So now, based on Silvia’s idea, who is a warm-hearted and very direct person, another big disaster is unfolding. There’s a real risk of creating an irreparable rift.

 

That’s why I’m asking you to make this final effort. Express what things cause you the most anxiety and problems, so we can avoid creating a trauma and a rift that will never be healed. As I said, if it helps bring you calmer and peacefully, I am willing not to attend the joint meeting. And this kills me inside. It's even hard to propose such a thing. But to show that I’m not doing this for myself, I will even bear that burden. It will be a tremendous blow, a humiliation that will be hard to recover from—even in the eyes of my relatives and family—but it doesn’t matter. This is my life now, and it seems I have to pay dearly for my shortcomings. It’s not that I’ve lost my sense of dignity, but I no longer ask for joy, for happiness, or for anyone’s approval.

 

That said, I come to the other crucial point you mentioned in your recent messages: the idea of giving up my paternity of Haruka. On this, I cannot make any concessions. And let me say right away—if anyone is thinking of making a trade like “you let Haruka meet her Italian relatives and I give up my paternity,” well, that will never be accepted by me.

 

I find such a request truly offensive, abusive, and reprehensible. For my daughter, I would give my life. I won’t act recklessly, but if pushed to certain limits, you know I have the courage to take very serious actions. And here I’m thinking—if Haruka were to suffer some kind of violence, who would protect her? Shogo? What is his capacity to act and protect a child he may love, but who is not his own, even if he provides for her? Also, if Haruka were bullied for not being fully Japanese, would he be ready to defend and protect her? Or, being Japanese himself, would he accept it as a social norm, since in Japan you’re supposed to bow your head and accept social violence as a natural and functional part of society?

 

Another thing—I’ve seen how many Japanese people behave. They are not brave. When they are in a group, they are strong. Alone, they flee. I don’t know Shogo. Would he be ready to go against a violent society to protect Haruka? And again, we know that you struggle with a mental health condition—does he have the psychological strength to balance out the extremes of your condition?

 

You know you can legally exclude me from Haruka’s paternity. So, there’s no point in seeking my approval. In fact, you should be concerned about the consequences. Because if these atrocities are allowed under Japanese law, they remain abuses and crimes against humanity. If I were to find out that Haruka has died or ended up in the hospital, what should I do? Thank you? Instead, I would come looking for you—especially if I had not been informed. As I’m not being informed now.

 

(This text was translated with AI)

 

ハルカをあなたの家族に会わせるのであれば、誰もあなたを悪く思わないでしょう。今のところ、私の家族はかなり中立的です。実際、私はあなたに対して多くの間違いを犯したことを率直に言っており、日本文化はイタリア文化とは異なると言っています。確かに、私の妹は少しイライラし始めています（彼女は大塚製薬という日本の会社で働いていたことがあり、文化の違いについても理解しており、あなたが許容できることについても知っています）。例えば、デニスはあなたをとても尊敬しており、あなたの優雅さと洗練さをとても気に入っています（彼女の母親とは違って）。それに、あなたはいつも子供たちのことを覚えていて、それを子供たちは感じ取っています。私はあなたについて悪く言いたいわけではありませんが、あなたが私に対して不正だと思うことがあり、あなたが自分の行動を正当化するために現実を歪めていると感じています。でも、これらのことは彼らには言いません。私は自分の中で保っています。

 

この10年間、あなたは自分の必要を守るために十分にうまくやってきたと思います。最悪の結果を避けるため、あるいはすべてを台無しにしないように何かを譲ってきました。私もできる限りのことはしました。
最後の努力をしてほしいと私はお願いしたいです。あと一年だけ我慢してください。私は5月と8月には行きません。11月に行きます。そして、来年、何とかしてハルカをイタリアの親戚に会わせてください。それから、次に会うのがいつになるかはわかりません（おそらくもう二度と会わないでしょう）。私とあなたはその後、ゼロからやり直しましょう。そうすれば、みんながうまくいくでしょう。誰もあなたを悪く思うことはなく、むしろ感謝されるでしょう。未来にもドアを開けておいてください。ハルカはもっと平穏に育ちます。みんなが素晴らしい旅をしたと喜んで、異なる文化的視点を理解し、違いを感じ取ることができたことを喜びます。

 

この出会いのことで、あなたが不安を感じるのは理解しています。それは、あなたとハルカがイタリアに来た時、親戚や友達とパーティーを開けるかどうか尋ねた時の喧嘩を思い出させます。その時、もしパーティーが開かれたら、あなたは出発しないと言いました。そのことから私は多くのことを理解しました。そして、これらのことがあなたにとって耐え難い不安を引き起こしているのだと思います、残念ながら病的に。ですが、イタリアでの半日を過ごした後、あなたもその経験が楽しかったことを認めたことを覚えています。

 

私は本当にショウゴがあなたのことを好きだと思います、少なくとも兄弟として。だから、彼に助けてもらうように言いたいです（実際、私はそれをすることができませんでした。むしろ、私はまだあなたにもっと精神的な問題を与えているだけです）。彼があなたの不安と私たちの要求の間で仲介できることを願っています。私たちは、互いに害を与え続けるのではなく、解決策を見つけ出し、あなたにとって最もストレスの少ない方法を見つけましょう。

 

私は正直に言って、日本へのこの旅行を忘れてくれることを願っていました。しかし、毎回の会話で、要求や提案が出てきて、子供たちが「…これらのお金を日本旅行のために取っておく…このバッグは日本旅行にぴったりだ…日本に行ったらこれもやりたい…私はハローキティを見に行きたい」と言ってきます。そして今、私たちはこの状況にいます。

 

すべては少しシルヴィアから始まったのです。彼女は、ハルカの誕生日のために日本に来るように私に勧めた人でしたが、その後のイタリア旅行は大失敗に終わりました。そして、私はあなたがイタリアに観光に来ただけだと非難しましたが、それはその時、ハルカを見せてもらえなかったという失望から来たことです。このシルヴィアの考えに基づいて、今、また大きな問題が生まれています。もはや回復不可能な亀裂を作る危険があります。

 

だからこそ、私はあなたに最後の努力をしてほしいのです。あなたにとって最も不安を感じさせること、問題となっていることを表現してください。そうすれば、トラウマや回復不可能な亀裂を作らずに済むでしょう。もしあなたのためにもっと冷静さと平穏を保つために必要なら、私はその会合に参加しないことも選びます。これが私を内心でどれほど苦しめるかは理解しています。こんなことを提案するのも非常に難しいですが、私が自分のためではなく、あなたを支えるためにこれをすることを示すために、私はこの苦痛を受け入れる覚悟があります。これは信じられないほど屈辱的であり、私の親戚や家族の目には回復できない屈辱となるでしょうが、もう関係ありません。私の人生はこんな感じで、私ができなかったことに対して厳しく払わなければならないようです。私はもはや喜びや幸せ、他人の承認を求めません。

 

さて、最後の重要な点に移りますが、あなたが言った通り、ハルカの親権を放棄するということです。この件について、私は放棄することはできません。もし、例えば「あなたがハルカをイタリアの親戚に会わせて、私は親権を放棄する」という話が出た場合、これは絶対に私からは受け入れません。
私はそのような要求を本当に侮辱的で、虐待的で、許しがたいものだと思います。私は自分の娘のためなら命をかけてもかまいません。頭に血が昇って行動することはありませんが、特定の状況に置かれれば、私は本当に強い行動を取る覚悟があります。ここで考えなければならないのは、もしハルカが何らかの暴力を受けた場合、誰が彼女を守るのでしょうか？ショウゴですか？彼はどこまで行動し、守ってくれるのでしょうか？彼女に食事や生活を与えるかもしれませんが、彼は彼女の父親ではないので、もし彼女が完全に日本人ではなくていじめに遭ったとき、彼は彼女を守ってくれるのでしょうか？それとも、日本の市民として、社会の暴力を受け入れて頭を下げているのでしょうか？日本人の多くは、集団の中では強いが、個人では逃げると私は見てきました。ショウゴは、暴力的な社会に立ち向かう覚悟があるのでしょうか？また、あなたの精神的な問題を彼はどのように調整するのでしょうか？

 

あなたたちが、法的に私からハルカの親権を取り除くことができるのは知っています。だから、私の承認を求めても無駄です。むしろ、その結果について心配すべきです。もしハルカが亡くなったり、病院に運ばれたことを知ったら、私はどうすべきでしょうか？感謝するべきでしょうか？私はあなたたちを探しに行くでしょう、特に私が何も知らされていなかったら。今のところ、私は何も知らされていません。

 

（この文章はAIで翻訳されました）

Trying to stay calm

 April 23th 2025

Anyway, I stay positive. I don't want to answer because anything I say may be used against me! (joy)
I only say that informing you, one year in advance, is more that enough, considering that we have the money to reach where you are.
If you reckon that I am the problem, I can avoid to be present at the meeting.
For anything else you have written in the message, in the future, if I have time, I will say something.

Andrea

Mutsumi's Answer

 April 23th 2025

Should I reply to the long messages you've been sending me lately? But if I continue to worry about it, the messages will only increase.



I told Haruka directly about your request for a meeting and told her to tell you how she feels. I told her that no matter how she feels, your father will accept it, and called you. She must have been worried about your question, "When can we meet?" and quickly answered, "Maybe around August."

I asked her about the August meeting the day before yesterday. I'm sorry for you, but she seemed confused and said, "August..." August is the high season. Summer in Japan is very hot, and there are many days when it is dangerous to go outside. How about a meeting in November? When I told her, "There will be regular meetings in November," she smiled and nodded.

I think you should decide the date and itinerary for the visit.

Regarding the recent visit, you complained about the visit in a long message afterwards. You didn't say anything at the time. I think this is very rude.

I realized that I should just follow your plan because you said something later.

I won't accept any money from you, and I don't need any money for meals. If I did, I would definitely feel uncomfortable.

I thought the visit was for you to spend time with Haruka. So I told her, "Your father just came from Italy to see you. Spend time with your father." And we kept a little distance and watched over her.

If that ends up being perceived as "disrespectful to you" or "(we) are flirting," we will spend it as usual. No matter who Haruka sits next to, you shouldn't complain.

As for the location, please avoid Minami-Uonuma City. The fear you have caused my family around my parents' house is more than you can imagine.

Shogo and I are planning to get married in the summer. We plan to move around April next year. We haven't decided where, but we may accompany Shogo on his work on a remote island for about two years.

We should be in the middle of moving to a new life around the time your family travels to Japan.

We should decide where we're moving around February next year, so we'll let you know around then whether we'll be able to meet your family. We'd like to hear about your travel dates as soon as they're known.

As for the meeting we planned for November, we intend to adjust the date no matter where we move to.



Lastly, as I said before, Shogo and I will probably get married around summer.

He has a very good relationship with Haruka. He has already been an emotional support for Haruka and has given her many experiences. From now on, I will ask him to help me raise her emotionally and financially. As for moving, we are considering a place that will place as little strain on her as possible, taking into consideration her personality and characteristics.

He is already watching over and supporting Haruka like a family member. Is it really appropriate for you to call yourself Haruka's father and explain to him the rights and responsibilities of a father?

I would like you to make a decision after seeing Haruka and him at your next meeting.

I feel so sorry for Silvia. She welcomed us.

I had hoped that we could meet regularly in Italy and that Haruka could spend some time with her cousins. I also discussed with your sister how important it is for Haruka to spend time with her cousins. I thought that in Italy you could spend as much time with her as you wanted. While talking to Silvia on the Italian beach, I had a faint hope that I would come to see them again.

Unfortunately, you jumped to conclusions and insulted me as if I was a terrible person who just wanted to enjoy a free trip to Italy. You probably don't remember anyway.

I'm scared to imagine what kind of person your family thinks I am through your words.

But Silvia still wants to see Haruka. I wish I could live up to her words, but our situation is always changing. With any luck, we will be able to meet again.

Mutsumi

Today is Easter here

 April 20th 2025

Today it's Easter here. I can’t help but think of Haruka. Yesterday, during a family lunch, we had a moment to discuss how to organize the trip to Japan that we’ll take together next year. I mentioned again that it might not be possible to see Haruka. Silvia, in particular, said that she’s happy to visit Japan, but they specifically chose the destination because of the chance to meet Haruka too.

Among the things I’d like them to experience, the only real issues I have are with the Onsen Ryokan (because I’m not sure about the rules for women to enter) and the Okonomiyaki (I wouldn't know how to enter the restaurant or how to make it myself). For the rest, thanks to everything you’ve shown me over the years, I think I’ll manage to give them a great trip. Of course, they also want to experience the Hanami. But depending on the timing of the cherry blossoms, we’ll head south if we arrive too early, and north if we arrive too late.

The other day, in a strong urge to see Haruka, I searched online and found a plane ticket for May 20th at a really good price! It was hard to resist to buy it… But it makes no sense to come if I can’t see her. I hope you can understand how much I’m suffering in this situation.

You haven’t said anything about my request for August. It will be very hot and plane tickets are really expensive, but I would make the effort—even just to see Haruka for five minutes. I don’t ask for more, as long as it’s clear that’s all I’m allowed. As I said, I will come in November anyway. But without an appointment, it just becomes a hassle for you and a pointless struggle for me.

If you can, please tell Haruka that her father says hello and give her a kiss from me (if she even cares—I got the feeling from the last video call that she doesn’t need my attention).

(This text was translated with AI)

 

今日はここではイースターです。春香のことを考えずにはいられません。昨日の家族との昼食の際に、来年一緒に行く予定の日本旅行についてどう計画を立てるか話し合う時間がありました。
私は、もしかしたら春香に会えないかもしれないと、また言いました。特にシルヴィアは「日本を見てみたい気持ちもあるけど、春香に会えるかもしれないからこそ行き先に選んだ」と話していました。
みんなにぜひ見てほしい場所はいくつかありますが、心配なのは温泉旅館（女性が入る際のルールが分からないこと）とお好み焼き（自分で焼く店にどう入ればいいか分からないこと）だけです。それ以外は、これまであなたが見せてくれたおかげで、きっと素敵な旅にできると思います。もちろん、花見もしたいとみんなが言っています。開花の時期によって、早すぎれば南へ、遅すぎれば北へ行こうと思っています。

この前、春香に会いたいという強い気持ちがこみ上げてきて、ネットで探したら、5月20日のとても安い航空券を見つけました！　本当に、我慢するのが大変でした……。でも、春香に会えないなら行く意味がない。私がどれほどこの状況に苦しんでいるか、あなたに分かってもらえたら嬉しいです。

8月のお願いについて、何も返事をもらっていません。とても暑いだろうし、航空券もかなり高い。でも、たとえ5分でも春香に会えるなら、そのために努力します。それ以上は望みません。それだけが私に許されていることなら、それで構いません。
言った通り、11月には行くつもりです。でも、約束がなければ、それはあなたたちにとっても迷惑になるし、私にとっても無意味な苦労になります。

もし可能なら、春香に「お父さんが挨拶してるよ」と伝えて、私の代わりにキスをしてあげてください（彼女が興味を持ってくれていればですが……最後のビデオ通話では、私の関心なんて必要としていないように見えました）。

（この文章はAIで翻訳されました）

I was very hurt

 I was very hurt by the response I received from Haruka regarding the possibility of meeting in March or April. For Easter, I won’t send any gift, I really don’t feel like doing it. I can’t just be the one who sends gifts; I care about her because I have feelings for her.

 

I want to say that I hold Shogo responsible for everything that will happen to Haruka in the future (for the role of father figure he will assume since I am totally excluded from it). In addition, I consider him responsible for ensuring that I can meet Haruka regularly. When I have the chance, I will communicate this directly. In the meantime, I have contacted the Embassy to carry out this task if I cannot do it myself, because I know nothing about him (Haruka told me his name).

 

I don’t know how I want to proceed after Haruka’s response. She said I could visit in August. You haven’t confirmed yet. If you don’t confirm, I won’t come (it would still be nice to celebrate her 10th birthday together). However, I will come in November, as per the divorce settlement.

 

On one hand, I would like to give up, but on the other hand, I don’t feel right doing it. I will act this way at least until April of next year, since it seems very likely that my whole family intends to take this trip to Japan. If there is a chance to meet Haruka, that’s great. Otherwise, it will be clear to them as well how things work in Japan and how family relationships are regarded. I will make yet another bad impression with them, but at least I will finally be seen as a victim.

 

(This message has been translated through AI)

April, 3rd 2025

(Andrea Meneghetti)