Re: Happy Birthday to Haruka

16/8/2021 

Dear Mutsumi,

Thank you for this mail and (especially) thank you for what you are doing for Haruka.

Don't feel obliged to send me mails: I know that you are busy, I know how heavy is for you to contact me. Sorry if I bother you too much!

You are doing great with Haruka! Another important turning point!

I disappear for a while (lately I have written too much). You two, however, will be always in my thoughts!

Bye!

Andrea

Re: Happy Birthday to Haruka

16/8/2021

Andrea

Thank you for massage for Haruka.

And also, she got fine presents from you.

She uses these pencils every day.

I’m sorry for late to thanks mail.

I am relieved that she has 6th birthday and she is growing healthy and cute.

Thank you.

Mutsumi

Happy Birthday to Haruka

16/8/2021

Dear Mutsumi,

here a video to wish Happy Birthday to Haruka. 

https://youtu.be/U_UwZqjFpiA

I made a mistake with amazon, so the 26th will arrive another little present for Haruka.

Take Care.

Kiss Haruka for me.

Bye!

photos

1/8/2021

Andrea

How are you doing?

Thank you for worrying about us.

I am fine. These days are quite busy, so Haruka goes to kindergarten on Saturday too. I really thank to her because she is enjoying to go.

I am trying to make her happy by playing too. It’s not easy though. She is powerful and I am not so much.

These are photos.

Take care of yourself.

Mutsumi

Haruka's letter...

30/7/2021

Dear Mutsumi,

I have received the letter from Haruka! Thank you very very much!

Even though you have written that the sender is Haruka, I know how much time and work is made by you: I appreciate it!

I have been so emotional when I have received the card and the photos that I had  goosebumps un my skin and tears in my eyes… I run fast inside my apartment since I didn’t want anybody could see me.

My joy has been great, I don’t think I deserve all this, I should do more…

However, I have made a video… nothing special, with a lot of mistakes, low level English…. There is a song, I have written it some year ago, never finished… If you think this video isn’t appropriate for Haruka, there isn’t any problem.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yivSFKmt8xM

I think that I will make another video for the 16^th of August. I apologize in advance because I am writing too much. (I have waited as much as I could before to write you again after so many letter in this month!)

Bye!

Andrea

P.S. How are you doing? Some days ago I have dreamed you. In the dream you were in pain and I couldn’t help you… It has been really destabilizing. I felt bad all day. It is just a trick of my mind. I shouldn’t have mentioned it. But asking you “how are you doing?” it isn’t only politeness.

Re: guitar + maritozzo

13/7/2021

Andrea

Today, guitar arrived.

She is so happy to get it.

She said my dream came true!

We will send you a thank you card later.

Thank you so much. Really.

Mutsumi

guitar + maritozzo

11/7/2021

Dear Mutsumi,

I have bought already the guitar. I understand that it is too much early but given the fact there were only few pieces remained I have bought it. It will arrive soon. I apologize for all the inconveniences you may have about it and the early sending.

I want to deeply thank you for giving me the chance to send the present for Haruka and I am grateful to you for your avalaibility and for the time you have spent!

I have seen that in this period Japanese people eat a lot of Maritozzi (plural form of Maritozzo). For us in Italy this is funny.

Ok, I stop around here. I have written to much in these days. So I have to disappear and avoid to bother you anymore. You have been really kind.

Take care! Bye!

Andrea

Photos of Haruka's cousins...

 10/7/2021

Photos for Haruka if she wants to see how her cousins look like. 

Re: guitar

10/7/2021

Andrea

Thank you for choosing the guitar.

She loves blue and she will love it.

And also thank you for beautiful photos.

I have to go.

Take care.

guitar

10/7/2021

Dear Mutsumi,

thank you for letting me know Haruka's wish!

I have appreciated the letter and the efforts... I hope she hadn't get too tired for it...At her age I couldn't write at all!

I have checked possible solutions. If you have some time, please check them. My first choice is the first one I have pasted on this email. But I am not sure it is something she may like, if the size is right, if the quality is valid (so many bad reviews) and so on.

If you find something more suited, also browsing on more of the items proposed by this site (or other sites), it is ok for me. I have put just possible solutions, but if you find something better, for me it is the best!

Thank you very much!

Take care!

Bye!

Andrea

For this one it is possible to choose the colour:

https://www.amazon.co.jp/-/en/S-Yairi-YM-Acoustic-lightblue/dp/B017NKVMWE/ref=sr_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=%E3%82%AE%E3%82%BF%E3%83%BC%E5%AD%90%E4%BE%9B&qid=1625914115&sr=8-4&th=1

This one seems higher quality:

https://www.amazon.co.jp/-/en/jrstbs-YAMAHA-Mini-Guitar-JR2/dp/B0052HDTZE/ref=sr_1_9?dchild=1&keywords=%E3%82%AE%E3%82%BF%E3%83%BC%E5%AD%90%E4%BE%9B&qid=1625914115&sr=8-9

Here a set for beginners (too much lower price for so many things?):

https://www.amazon.co.jp/-/en/Acoustic-Beginner-Beginners-Instructions-Guaranteed/dp/B08C2BSWBK/ref=sr_1_12?dchild=1&keywords=%E3%82%AE%E3%82%BF%E3%83%BC%E5%AD%90%E4%BE%9B&qid=1625914115&sr=8-12

Examples of Toys:

https://www.amazon.co.jp/-/en/Instruments-Educational-Photography-Shichi-Go-San-Kindergarten/dp/B07Q34P8X2/ref=sr_1_5?dchild=1&keywords=%E3%82%AE%E3%82%BF%E3%83%BC%E5%AD%90%E4%BE%9B&qid=1625914115&sr=8-5&th=1

https://www.amazon.co.jp/-/en/Hape-E0602-First-Guitar-Red/dp/B07B4ZCVTZ/ref=pd_sbs_1/357-4738843-9968724?pd_rd_w=SPP8Z&pf_rd_p=367c54b8-500b-4071-9b4d-65fe16192688&pf_rd_r=NQHJPS8B41J77BX115ED&pd_rd_r=3910f3f1-edb5-4331-8302-64d016a22a8a&pd_rd_wg=miNTe&pd_rd_i=B07B4ZCVTZ&psc=1

P.S.: it isn't a matter of price but only the chance she may be happy. It is possible that given her age, now we buy a "toy" and as soon as you reckon the time is right, we can buy a more professional guitar. It is possible to buy at the same time a "real" guitar (with the size suited for her) and a "toy" guitar. Just let me know.

If you find something on other sites where I don't know how to pay or are written only in Japanese, I can send money through a letter or through a debit card if you don't want direct money on your bank account.

I would prefer to buy a real guitar because plastic is only expensive and ready to be broken and thrown in the trash.

Re: Back to the future…

10/7/2021

Andrea

How are you doing?

I asked her what she wants.

This is her answer!

Can you send it to her?

She tried to write this letter 3times. And finally she did it. Maybe I made mistakes for timing to write….she was tired the other time.

Hope you enjoy her letter and make her wish come true!!

Back to the future…

3/7/2021

Dear Mutsumi,

Thank you for the wonderful photos! I am very happy having received them and I have dreamed Haruka all night long… I hope Haruka can feel well.

Next month there is Haruka’s birthday. If you have some suggestion for a present, it is welcomed.

In these days I have thought a lot about you.

In the final part of this June, a lot of things happened.

• I went to a new little (free lance) job, well paid. At the building, I met a lot of women, of my age or younger and with the same level of culture. Quite hard for me to meet these people in the last years. So a good place to do new friendships. But instead I was shocked. I really had a bad sensation, like those I felt before to be for the first time in Toronto (when we met). Those sensations that sent me in the deep depression some year later, before I reconnected with you. I found those women emptied and not interesting. When I left the building, I thought how I would have reacted if I couldn’t meet you in my life. Would I have felt in another depression? Instead this time I did my job, with no second thought. I wasn’t sad anymore living in this world that doesn’t resembles me because what I had in life was special, meaning full and valid for a lifetime. That was you!
• I returned to have a relationship with my siblings and I was invited to a family party when my niece Margherita had “The First Communion” (a religious Catholic thing). At the party I realized why I made my own way. I need to stay with others so I reconnected with my siblings, but the choices I made and the will to try to create a family with you, were a good option.
• Monday I had to return to the old school where I have taught in the past (also in the period when we married). I sometimes work for a company and this time it sent me there because they rented a conference-room where I had to held a lecture on food-safety for workers of another food company. I met the same secretary there was in those days. She was like I left her some years ago: not happy, sad, unfriendly. I think she wanted to have a relationship with me when she knew we had problems with our marriage. She asked how things were going for me. I wanted to be short since I had to start the lecture, so I have just answered politely. But I thought “I am earning almost the triple per hour respect how much I could earn here before”. I thought what shitty life I could have done with a relationship with this woman. No good advices, no happiness, no ideas, no future, only slavery. Yes, my life isn’t complete, but I repeat that having met you gave me new perspectives. And returning on those places and meeting the same mentally tired people who sent me in depression, it seemed me to be “back from the future”. Like in the movie where the character have changed his future making the right choices at the right moment. For sure at her eyes I was the same person, but I am in a totally different situation.

In June I have earned well. Really well for my standards. It was at least 13 years it didn’t happened. Even though there is a deep economic crisis. I am tired but happy. I have been lucky. I have done a lot in these years so I am proud of myself, but this situation derives because I have tried to follow your advices. It took, however, too much time to reach again a result like this. And the next month will be just a normal month and nothing more (hoping that things go well). But I have a future. I want to keep going and try to find new goals and new ideas. I feel that I still have a life to live.

I know that you get bored reading my long mails, but I tell you all this in this precise moment because I know that now I am also ready to see you with others men, or another family. Before I couldn’t. I will always suffer, but I feel that I reached a new stage in my life.

From now on I have the chance to live well, with this big memory inside me, that gives me strength. This will allow me to tackle life in a strongest way and not be depressed because I live in a world where I don’t feel accepted.

I hope that with these words you can believe in my good faith. I am sincerely interested in your life and health. I really wish the best for you. I understand that in Japan you have another idea and and another way of living and I shouldn’t speak so openly, so I apologize. (And, however, also in Italy I should live with my feet on the ground instead of continually dreaming.) You have been my biggest dream realized and I will keep living well, with it.

Bye for now.

Andrea

photos

1/7/2021

Andrea

Hello. How are you doing?

Haruka had been sneezing but from today, she restarted to swimming (well…it’s just playing in small pools) lesson in the kindergarten.

These are photos. Hope you will enjoy them.

Take care.

thoughts

3/6/2021

Dear Mutsumi,

First of all I want to apologize for continuing disturbing and bothering you.

With this pandemic I was worried that you might have some problem. I have endured avoiding messaging you, till few days ago. I had the sensation either I had done something wrong or you had some problem.

And more I hold on, more it is easy that during the night I dream you and Haruka.

I don’t know how to manage completely these feelings. In these days I was thinking that I have metabolized quite well our divorce. I needed time. But I don’t know why  I feel so strongly the love for my family members. I still dream my mother and my father after so many years.

In the past I have felt sometimes rage because you excluded me from Haruka’s life, but I cannot hate you given the fact I loved you so much. And I really cannot forget you. How could I hate you after you have saved me by a deep depression? You saved my life. You have given me so many advices. You have given me a future, indicating where to go in the work field and giving birth to Haruka.

I am sincerely worried for your health. Like for a sister. Is it wrong? Is it a beautiful thing? Is it insane? I really don’t know.

However, part of my “anxiety” is due by the fact that I don’t have the chance to help Haruka when she needs. Not having the chance to see when Haruka needs help, put me in worry. Some day she will need help for sure and I will not be there: this is depressing.  

About the Videos I have sent, those are really bad quality, I have forgotten English… and while I am recording I don’t know what to say. I hope that is clear that it is just a form to maintain a contact. If they are too poor, you don’t have to show them to Haruka.

About my health: Some days I feel lost. I try to hold on. I would like to find a turning point in the work and in earnings; it seems that I have to work more and wait more…

In few days I will have the second jab (shot) of Pfizer vaccine.

Bye!

Andrea

Re: How are you doing?

 1/6/2021

Sorry for disturbing! I apoligize!

Re: How are you doing?

1/6/2021

Andrea

How are you?

Well, that month was not really a good health condition both of us. But basically we are fine.

Thank you for worrying about.

How about you?

I am sorry I didn’t have time to watch your video but I promise I will show her those you made for her.

June will be fine.

Take care of yourself.

Mutsumi

How are you doing?

1/6/2021

Dear Mutsumi,

how are you doing?

I don't know why, but I am worried...

I don't need photos of Haruka this month if you don't have time. I just ask you to clik on reply button so receiving an empty mail will let me know it is everything alright.

Here a video for Haruka.

https://youtu.be/Y5z2G_pr1T8

Bye!

Andrea

Re: photos

1/5/2021

Dear Mutsumi,

Thank you!

I didn't expect so many photos! Thank you!

This period is a little bit hard for me due to my health, work and not easy decision I have to make... These photos help me a lot!

I hope you are well!

Bye!

Andrea

Re: Beyoncé

27/4/2021 

And by the way at the little party we made in Tarcento when we married, you were incredibly beautiful as well... there are some of my friends that still remember your beauty and envy me! (because in their lives they couldn't meet a so beautiful woman!)

I know, I shouldn't indulge in these thoughts... almost 7 year are passed. But it is part of my life...

Bye!

photos

1/5/2021 

Andrea

How are you?

She is quite good!

Take care of yourself.

Re: Beyoncé

26/4/2021 

Oh! Really?

(I know that song but I didn't know the original title!)

For sure, if "it is her way, (We) let her go!". I mean if Haruka wants it, hopefully she can reach the goal.

I hadn't an idea about Haruka's future, thinking she is still young... but instead time passes!!!!

However, when I watch NHK World News sometimes I have wondered if Haruka could become an anchor since she knows English.

In my opinion you as well could have became someone in show business. And as news anchor you would have been great. For your beauty, your voice, your kindness, your appearance. I remember you singing in kimono at the marriage... Something incredible beautiful!

At the same show business can be really dangerous. She will need your careful eye to avoid that her is exploited. I know you will be there!

Thank you for the photos! Thank you for a moment of joy!

Bye!

Andrea

Beyoncé

26/4/2021  

She loves Beyonce's “Crazy in Love”. She imitates and sings. She wants to be a singer in the future.

The title of her original song is “This is my way, let me go.”

I have been preparing to do so since she was born.

I'm looking forward to it.

Just for your break time.

Re: In all honesty…

 12/4/2021

Dear Mutsumi,

WOW! Congrats! Not only you are raising a daughter, you are also improving your position!

I am imbarassed having disturbed you. I am really sorry.

You are not late. I really didn't expect an answer. I am glad that in this busy time you found a moment for sending an answer.

So, take your time... I am looking forward communicating with Haruka, but at the same time I am anxious (I don't know if I will be able to create a "contact").

When you will be free, I hope we can have an "easy" connection. Easy  also for you: with low burden and hassle free.

You are a great person!

Bye!

Andrea

P.S. If I could, I would never disturb you again. But at the same time, I will never forget you... (I know I shouldn't say these things)

Re: In all honesty…

12/4/2021 

Andrea

How are you ?

First of all, thank you for your kindness to care of my condition.

And I can understand your requests.

These days I am really busy.

I had a new position and some new matters will start in this month. And I’ve been studied for future in every morning before Haruka wake up.

Also I decided to take Haruka to outside to create new friends. Climbed up mountain was one of the way to come true that decision. She has been doing quite well!

I don’t have any day off.

I know I made my situation and it is happy thing.

Even though, I am quite tied.

I will try to make a way to online meeting.

She will be happy to do it.

I am sorry for late.

Mutsumi

In all honesty…

10/4/2021 

Dear Mutsumi

Today I was thinking about meeting as soon as possible with Haruka.

Usually, when I have these thoughts I start to be nervous because I think that you don’t care about these issues.

So, too many times, I have written heavy letters and you usually get sick.

In the last period I have tried to stay calm. You haven’t answered to my questions and I haven’t insisted.

In my new philosophy is to avoid to hit you. Because I really don’t want that you feel bad. I don’t want any kind of revenge. I really want that you stay well. (This new philosophy derived by your precise and clear point of view about my errors and incapacities so I have tried to change. It takes time to be better, but I ask to myself to persist in this effort.)

At the same time I suffer. Sometime I feel discharged roughly.

So I decided to express plainly my ideas and needs, without be aggressive. (I think I am aggressive when I feel abused, undervalued, underestimated. When I am not considered in my needs.). I decided that it is important to express my point of view, without be violent or threatening. It is something I owe you (for the importance you had in my life) but I have to accomplish also for having a proper life.

With this letter I would like to know if you are considering fulfilling the divorce agreement. I would like to know if you have an idea how to recover the many days and hours I still have as right in order to meet Haruka. I would like to know when we can start some online meeting. I would like to know if you are ready to organize a meeting as soon as the borders are opened for foreigners in Japan.

I hope you can answer to my questions if you feel like those are appropriated. If you don't feel like to answer I will try to endure, calmly.

With this letter I have lowered my anxiety. I hope I have been respectful of you and your feelings. I really hope you don’t feel hit by my words and questions in any way.

With deep and real sincerity.

Bye.

Andrea

photos 2

 3/4/2021

(no content only photos)

Re: photos

3/4/2021

Dear Mutsumi,

I really thank you for the photos!

I was waiting but I didn’t want to ask for them since last month I have bothered enough. (You already know that I think all days about Haruka and the chance to receive the monthly photos).

If she has the determination of your mother to climb the mountains, surely she has done it! I remember when I went with your mother picking up spring herbs, she was positively impressive. She was climbing like a young, jumping from one site to another. I had problem to pick up as much herbs as her. (By the way I have always appreciated the strength of your mother. It isn't true that I have something against her. I have a different idea on life and we collided. I don't regret my positions but at the same time I have understood her personality and I respect it. I have learnt a lot.)

About the difficult situation, I think I am going quite well respect to the general situation. I hope that in Italy we are going toward the end of this pandemic situation soon. It seems that we have another month to endure and with vaccinations campaign we might return to life. For the moment I don’t have money problem. Sure, if I had to maintain Haruka I had to make choices.

As I have already said, I cannot ensure regular sending of money, but if you need some help sometime, I am ready to help. I have money apart or I can ask for money from my pension plan. And If I suspend my business (that it is not giving revenues at the moment, only costs) I can have for sure 300€ per month that I can send for Haruka.

I am more worried for my health, I would like to work more, but I think I have reached the limit. It is important to hold on after all! (You taught it to me!)

I would like to ask about you, if you have climbed as well, how do you feel and so on. I know that it isn’t appropriate. So I stop around here.

Take Care of Yourself!

Bye

Andrea