Final Evaluation

January the 9th, 2020

Dear Mutsumi,

With our divorce we have finally turned the page.

I want to do a final evaluation.

First of all, I want to say that I am happy that Haruka has a good mother as you are.

With you I had the chance to be a father. (Even though I am almost excluded from Haruka's life.)

So, concluding our marital relationship, I am happy having had a spouse like you because you have deeply requested I was a better person. I have really appreciated it and I have learnt so much from you. And day by day, I understand better your teachings.

I have had two year of pure joy from when we reconnected in early 2013 to December 2014. 

I have learned a lot from you and my heart explode in emotion if I remember everything, starting by our meeting in Toronto. You have been the biggest emotion of my life and the most important. I will keep it forever.
With you I had the chance to feel the deepest love for another person: not everybody has this chance in a life! I had. I am satisfied about it. I will keep the remembering of those sensations inside me. My life with you has had a meaning. For me you will remain the most beautiful and the more intelligent ever!

Due to the great gratitude I have for you, before to meet you last time in Tokyo, my fear was I could fall in love again with you; my wounds were just healed that I couldn’t afford suffer again. I think everything has gone well. I hope we may stay (good) friends. I have discovered again the reason why I wanted you as my mate and because I think you are far better than many other women. But I have seen again that is good we both are free.

The other fear I had was that Haruka would have avoided any contact with me. Instead, thanks to your help, there has been a real and deep relationship!

After your help in playing with Haruka at Asobono (Tokyo Dome), I am not anymore in anger with you. I just hope that you will have a little more flexibility in order to let me meet with Haruka.

At the same time I thank you for having broken the relationship: on long term, it really couldn’t work. I thank you for the chance you have given to me but you have done the right thing in breaking the relationship: I am not fit to be married.

I have my limits, I don't want to work too much (I don’t like to be a slave), I don't like to be scolded and I rebel when directed.
Without you and without my mother I would be in a middle of a street, a homeless.
Thanks to you I have a profession now, or at least I have the desire to have one. You showed me the right direction. Sometimes I still lose the track, but I know I am doing well most of the times.

A big problem with me is that I always express my Hon'ne (本音). We Italians tend to be too much open in our emotions. And among the Italians I am quite a sincere person. So I would have never had the chance to learn Tatemae (建前), so important in Japanese society.

I want to apologise again for having given you the divorce so slowly: but I couldn’t give up. My only aim was to have a possible relationship with Haruka.

You have always been free, and now you are free also from the point of view of the law.

About the gifts I gave to you during our relationship and you have you sent back to me: those are for Haruka if you don’t want them back. I will give them to her at the right moment or I will sell them and I will give her the money.

Speaking again about Haruka, I have detected some resemblance with my family behavior. So I inform you that in my family from my mother side there is the chance of “Dyslexia”. My mother and I had it. And the fact she eat ice might be a sign of “Pica”: me, my mother, and a little bit my sister and my brother have it as well.

We haven't spoken much in those days I was in Tokyo, but I am happy having seen you in good condition. Especially the second weekend. Although I have seen you suffering sometimes and I am sorry about it.

I wait for a possible “Skype” or “Whatsapp” connection with Haruka.

(As I have already told, it must be an easy thing because also for me it is hard to stay in front of a camera trying to invent something to say. It would be meaningless make a “normal” Skype connection. Instead I imagine something like this: you open the Skype connection, after some moment you inform Haruka to greet me at the video. She can go back to play or doing what she want; after 10 or 20 minutes, we close the connection, without the need to say a word during the connection. Just before to close the connection, we greet each other. In those minutes during the connection, I will be at the desk reading a book or working on the computer and if Haruka would say something to me, I will answer. I don’t want to force any kind of conversation. She is young. She is free to decide to avoid me.).

However I am not in hurry. My computer works but it needs some refurbish. At this moment, if we have a Skype connection, it might be it will be some slowdown. I will do the refurbish in February when I will have more money. For Whatsapp connection I am ready.

It is time to stop since as usual I write too much.

Give a kiss to Haruka from me since I always think about her and sometimes I also dream her.

Thank you for everything you have done for my life!

Bye!

Andrea

Re: Happy Christmas

December the 24th, 2019

Thank you for present.

Happy Christmas

December the 24th, 2019

Dear Mutsumi,

I have so many thoughts in my mind in this period. I would have liked share them with you. But every time I start to write a sentence, I understand it is better to avoid to do it. I have written too much in these last years.

For the moment I just want to send to Haruka my Best Wishes for Christmas. (For us in Europe this is a very important moment. I understand that for Japan it hasn’t a so big importance, I am sorry if I disturb you.)

I always think about Haruka. Please, kiss her for me!

Thank you for your kindness.

Bye.

Andrea

Thank you!

December the 7th, 2019

Dear Mutsumi,

I am writing you just to thank you for everything!

I would like to say many things and I have to ask other things.

One topic is for example about the possibility to start Skype connections to stay in contact with Haruka.

I will write little by little in the next days and weeks.

In fact,  I don't have time. Too much work to do, from the first day I landed in Italy. And also today (Saturday) and tomorrow I am working full time...

However it is good for me.

I just want say that I think about Haruka always. And I thak you for the chance you have given me letting me knowing her.

Bye.

Andrea

Re: photos 2

December the 1st,2019

Dear Mutsumi,

thank you for the photos and thank you for the days!

I really couldn't believe that you would have fulfilled the settlement...

I am doing the luggage and I have discovered that I forgot to give to Haruka another present... It was a "Panettone", a special cake we eat in Christmas period (in a mini version for her)... It will be for the next time! I think that I have already discharged to you a lot of stuff! :-D 

I am curious to see how this issue will evolve.

Bye.

Andrea

photos 2

December the 1st, 2019

Take care and have a nice flight.

M

A little information

November the 29th, 2019

Dear Mutsumi,

I am sorry if I disturb you, I want to ask if we meet your sister's family already in the morning or is it planned to meet them only in the afternoon? I am asking in order to understand how to dress and about  bringing something with me.

If you don't have time to answer it doesn't matter, it is really a minor thing.

Bye.

Andrea

Re: Re[2]: Re: Court expenses + Maiorano

November the 28th, 2019

And, where are you staying now? Because my sister will reserve a restaurant for dinner.

Re: Re[2]: Re: Court expenses + Maiorano

November the 28th, 2019

Haruka’s present, Sunday morning will be fine. Thank you.

M

Re[2]: Re: Court expenses + Maiorano

November the 28th, 2019

Dear Mutsumi,

Thank you for your effort. I know it is heavy for you. And you have to get up quite early. And thank you for fulfilling the settlement.

For me the schedule is perfect. However if you need you can arrive also later in the morning don't be in hurry. And it is ok you leave before noon on Sunday.

I don't have a real present for Ayame. Let's see what I can do.

The present of Haruka I will bring on Sunday Morning or on Saturday?

It is all.

Take care!

Bye.

Andrea 

Re: Re: Court expenses + Maiorano

November the 28th, 2019

Andrea

How are you?

About this weekend meeting.

Thank you for letting me to invite my sisters family.

Ayame will happy to meet you.

We will arrive Tokyo station at 9:40am.

Let's meet at Tokyo Station Yaesu center north exit ticket gate around 9:45.

And another... Next morning, I want to leave before noon if you don’t mind. I want Haruka to take enough rest for next day.

So how about eating breakfast together? There are a lot of place to eat. Fruit parlor will be fine.

Please tell me what you think.

Take care.

Mutsumi

Re: Court expenses + Maiorano

November the 27th, 2019

Dear Mutsumi,

you are never late! It is a lot that you find time to answer me.

First of all, forget the thing of the Consulate, it a silly thing and really not important. (it is time I forget the past).

Second, and really important: I would be really happy if I can meet your sister's family! You know that I am always grateful to them for everything they made for us and I am really happy to meet Ayame (so also Haruka have someone to play with).

Third. I am worried about your health as well. And in the future there will be more and more about these problems because we are getting older. We cannot keep walking forever in the streets away form our houses.

We have to understand how to reduce the stress. We have to invent something to have the meetings with Haruka in a "more natural" way. We should speak about this issue. You have to explain which are your fears and the limits you cannot go beyond. (for example, but it is only an idea, I may rent a house or a bungalow, or a part of a residence for the days we meet, if possible not far from your house. (So we could have also a more complete relationship between me and Haruka, like doing breakfast together or reading a tale or a book before sleeping).

At the same time I cannot waste money and time because the situation is too unstable. Haruka as well may have health problems.

So, if this time you cannot come, I will be not happy. But what I can do? I will not act strangely, especially if the reason is your health and you are sincere. I would tell you already now "stay at home". It is the more intelligent thing to do in this moment. It isn't my intention to force you and bother you. But I want to pass some other time with Haruka (I made so many kilometers). And the gifts, they are cheap, but I don't want to throw everything in the bin. Can I send them?

However we have to find a workable solution for the future and some mechanisms to recover the unexpected situations (starting from a late flight or train, to some form of illness we may have).

Then, take your time to decide what to do for this week-end!

Bye.

Andrea

P.S.: These days I have been overwhelmed by the stress and this night at the hostel was quite impossible to sleep. However it is a funny place! And I hope that from tomorrow things will go better. And I have also found some space to work, there are some table I can use. Hopefully I will finish all the duty I have. I am happy I can work from here!

Re: Court expenses + Maiorano

November the 27th, 2019

Andrea

I am sorry for late.

Well, about expenses. It was only a few hundreds. Never mind.

 But it also confirms that at the Consulate nobody has understood I have done all this just for having the chance to have a relationship with Haruka and not as a form of revenge against you.  

I am sorry but I cannot understand what you mean. If it is important, please tell me what you want to say.

About this weekend met. If you don’t mind, I want to invite my sister’s family with us. But if you don’t want, just let me know.

Thank you for your thoughts. But I cannot understand well what you said. And I am still worried about if I cannot go to the meeting and then what you will act and feel. I’ve been under strong stress as you have.

I will go to Tokyo this weekend with Haruka. I will mail you later about meeting time and place.

I have to work.

Mutsumi

Court expenses + Maiorano

November the 26th, 2019

Dear Mutsumi,

I've realized that you have paid the Court expenses alone.
It has been all so fast and for me also heavy emotionally (and in a language I don't understand) that only later I was asking to myself "when have I to pay for the expenses?" and only later on I've realized that when you went away with Haruka you have paied for both of us.

So, let me know how much is my part so I can refund you.

About the money, yesterday evening I could understand how the new rules for banking where working, so I have withdrawn at Seveneleven and I have all the money I need for my stay in Japan and something more.

Mr. Maiorano has said to me that he was surprised on how fast and easily we divorced, especially after a so long and difficult situation. In some way he made us his compliments having found a deal.
But it also confirms that at the Consulate nobody has understood I have done all this just for having the chance to have a relationship with Haruka and not as a form of revenge against you.

I deeply respect you and I know that as well you acted for the sake of Haruka. The problem was we have two different cultures.

Now I am worried for your health. In order to let me meet with Haruka, it is stressful for you having to do so many kilometres, having to stay around long days with a child, be far from home and not having the chance to have a rest. So remember that I am ready to change the schedule or decide to pass more time resting in hotel. (My next hotel room has the chance to have an adult and a child as guest)

Bye!

Andrea

Thank you!

November the 25th, 2019 

Dear Mutsumi,

Thank you for everything you have done. You are a great person. I am sorry that our relationship has not worked and we have lost so much time and money.

At least there is Haruka that is really special. Thank you for having let me know her.
And I will never regret having loved you! You have been really important for me.

I hope you may rest. And also for me it is time to recover.

Bye!

Andrea

Arrived

November the 23rd, 2019

Hello Mutsumi,

I am  at the hotel...

So I am on schedule, see you later!

Bye.

Andrea

Re: Re: meeting

November the 22nd,2019

Andrea

About Haruka’s present, thank you for your thought. She will be happy with it.

Take care.

Re: meeting

November the 22nd, 2019

Dear Mutsumi,

It is ok for the meeting at the time and the place you proposed.

I have brought some little presents and a Christmas' present for Haruka.
I thought to bring just one or two for the first meeting to avoid any inconvenience. What do you think?

Bye.

Andrea

P.S. I am at Malpensa Milano Airport, I will leave in 3 hours

meeting

November the 22nd, 2019

Andrea

How are you?

I am good to know that you got a mail from me.

Well, about meeting.

How about we will meet “Yaesu central South Gate” at Tokyo station around 3:45pm.

So, you can have a short rest after long flight.

Then I want to take Haruka some snack shops just for relaxing. After that, let’s go to dinner.

Hope you have a nice flight. Take care.

Mutsumi

Re[2]: Test for e-mail

November the 22nd, 2019

I've got it. I am at the airporort.

Re: Test for e-mail

November the 22nd, 2019 

Andrea

Hope you get this reply.

M

Test for e-mail

November the 21st, 2019

Dear Mutsumi,

I am sending this mail for testing your e-mail.

Bye

Andrea

Re: about a settlement

November the 15th,2019

Dear Mutsumi,

I have received the draft. I am pleased that you have cancelled the word “targeting”.

I would prefer that after the sentence “… for a minimum of five days” you put also “(70 hours)” in brackets.

In any case, for the moment, for me it is enough. I will make the final decision on the evening of Sunday.

Now I want to relax and think about my travel in Japan to see my daughter as a joy and not with anxiety.

I hope you may do the same.

It is not easy for both of us. I assure my good faith and sincerity, as always. (Even though I am too much direct sometimes. Let me always know if I am hurting you.)

Take care of yourself.

Bye.

Andrea

P.S. About my last long e-mail, I understand that it is not easy to accept everything. I hope we can discuss the topics when we meet. There are still too many things we haven’t never faced together and I still don’t know your fears and you don’t understand completely mine. It is meaningless try to do it now, through e-mails. So I really hope we have time to open ourselves when we will meet expressing our fears and hopes.

about a settlement

November the 14th, 2019

Andrea

How are you?

I was confused with your long email and could not reply to you soon. But I believe we should start our new relationship in this November as we talked. So I asked the lawyer to delete “targeting.” I would like to respect your impression and remove your concern.

Problem is I cannot send the new draft to you. Mailing system may wrong.. I tried three times. But I cannot. So, I asked my lawyer to send it to you. So, he will send it to you instead of me.

Please see the draft.

Mutsumi

Re: about the settlement

November the 3rd, 2019

Dear Mutsumi,

I am sorry hearing about your health condition. I hope you may stay better.

Thank you for the photos, it is always a pleasure to receive them.

About the settlement, I have to  deeply apologize. I have changed my mind after having told you that it was all right. It is a mistake I have done because I still think with my heart instead of thinking with my brain. You have to believe in my good faith.

I thank you for having changed the settlement but for me, at the moment, it isn’t enough: I want a clear commitment for you. I cannot believe only on words. I cannot believe in “targeting”.

I think that you have worked really well in order to compromise. I have to give you my compliments. I have asked a lot, and you have “sterilized” all my requests. I have done a lot of step down compared to what I asked from the beginning. I really want to resolve this issue but you have to give me some certainty. You have written a lot of things on the settlement, but actually if you want, you are able to avoid any meeting between me and Haruka for the next 15 years.

Effectively you have to declare if you want to let creating a relationship between me and Haruka: you never said yet! And you haven’t showed me the way this relationship may evolve. I am sorry if I am too much direct in showing my thoughts.

I don’t want to force you in any way. I am not playing. I want to finish all this. But I don’t see any future.

I don't want meet Haruka now for 3 days and after that, having to beg you to see her for other 15 years. Because this is what I see from all the dealing we have done.

I cannot believe in words, I have to rely on what is written on paper. After the divorce, you may disappear and I will remain with my anxiety on Haruka’s life. I cannot bear anything like that. I am tired. (I dream this daughter in the nights!). And we are wasting too much money we may use for Haruka’s future!

If you are not able to let me see Haruka for 5 days (70 hours) per year in the weekends, it is better to decide to avoid to meet at all. It is hard to say this after all the hopes I have put in this meeting. 5 days for Italian culture is nothing (and I don’t even know if I will have the money and the health to see her). I ask only this because I know Japan culture is different and you have your problems in accepting me. And I know you are doing a big sacrifice in finding a compromise because many of your relatives will never understand what you are doing. I don’t want to win you. Really, if I could I would forget everything, I would disappear and if I had money I would give to you and Haruka everything I have. But the reality is another: our life is unique, I have to live as long as I can, we met, I had strong feelings and we had this child that I cannot forget.

I am quite worried about the fact you cannot accept my body presence though. I don’t have anything against you, even though I have suffered a lot. You have been important for me and I will thank you forever for the chance you have given me. Now I don’t need anything from you. I am always sorry for your condition because I deeply loved you, but I am experiencing a new feeling about you. It is not even friendship, I can call it “human respect”. I am asking to myself if you are able to have this similar respect towards me. I only ask to you to let me have a very little space in Haruka’s life.

Even if you write the minimum amount of days on the settlement, you already know that you can avoid any contact between me and Haruka for many years, so I don’t understand where is the problem. However, please, let me know again your point of view on this part so if I can I might accept your proposal.

I stop here. I have written too much and I have written with my heart and not with my brain. And we have seen that it is too dangerous…

I apologize again for having changed my mind about the settlement and for the fact I am too much direct explaining my point of view.

Bye.

Andrea

about the settlement

November the 3rd, 2019

Andrea

How is your health condition?

I am sorry for late. Recently I have been ill-conditioned and was not able to reply.

I understand your feeling for meeting. But I don’t understand whether you seem to be able to agree to the proposed settlement that I sent last time.

Still after all I want to make a feasible settlement at present.

I know that you will judge all after meeting.

But I must tell whether a correction is necessary for it to my lawyer.

I’d like to hear your thoughts.

Take care of yourself.

Mutsumi

Re: new settlement.

October the 26th, 2019

Dear Mutsumi,

I'm writing you fast but I want to clarify a thing as soon as possible since in the next days I don’t know if I have time to do it.

The five days of meeting can be hold in two different weeks, on the weekends. Ideal would be meet in a weekend when you have the Monday with National Holiday and another weekend before or after.

I know how important is your job. And it is important for you to have your free days for your health and Haruka’s health.

The other option it could be that I will be twice in a year for a long weekend in Japan.

At the moment I can choose when move, when travel, when having holidays, so it is up to me if I am ready to lose time and money in Japan. It is up to me if I want to take a flight and either stay for only 3 days or 2 in Japan and then be back in Italy or stay like 10 days in Japan and meet Haruka only in the two weekends.

For you, having me in Japan on the weekends, will be a bothering as well, but at least you will not lose days of work.

My idea of meeting Haruka on the weekends (not on the week days!) was so normal that I haven’t specified anything. The template is like next November even though this time Monday isn’t an holiday.

Let me know if you understand what I have in mind. And let me know if for you it may work.

Bye

Andrea

P.S.: For me the minimum would be 15 days… I ask you write 5 because my fear is that after the divorce you may discard me if I ask to see Haruka. With a minimum amount of days and hours I have at least something written.

new settlement.

October the 26th, 2019

Andrea

 

How’s your health condition?

 

First of all, thank you for contacting the embassy regarding the interpretation. I was contacted by the embassy and would be present at the court. I relieved.

 

Next is the additional matter to a settlement article.

I can understand that you feel uneasiness for this settlement. Therefore I asked a lawyer to add the minimum meeting days.

But I have the uneasiness for the meeting like you, too. I feel it to be long for me for five days.

And it will be necessary to be absent from work to make a meeting schedule of 5days because I work weekdays.

My employer has understanding very much and it is pleasant and admits that I am absent from work at every event and sudden illness of Haruka, my going to hospital.

I was absent from work the other day that Haruka ran a fever suddenly and took her to the hospital. Fortunately, She recovered on the next day. I am careful not to be absent from work as much as possible in consideration of having to be absent from work by such a sudden illness of me and Haruka.

In the present workplace, I have a post with the responsibility. It has top priority for me that I work hard, and to bring up Haruka with a wage.

I do not think that a meeting of you and Haruka is not important. I really think it is necessary. Please do not misunderstand it.

But I want to make a realistic settlement as I conveyed even a former email.

Therefore, please allow for me to use the word "targeting". I make an effort to touch the target as much as possible.

 

I attach a new proposed settlement, please check it. In addition, please inform me if there is an opinion.

Take care.

Mutsumi

Translator + minimum amount of hours

October the 23rd, 2019

Dear Mutsumi,

I am writing to you for two reasons.

First of all, I have mailed to the Consulate and it seems that there is the chance that they may be at the Court as translators. As soon as possible I will write to them again to confirm my approval to it.

Secondly I am writing because I need to add something to the settlement. At the point n. 3, I would like that you write after “at least once a year” something like this “… for a minimum of 5 days and for a total amount of a minimum of 70 hours…”.

I deeply apologize for this change. Even though I have already said that for me the document was all right, I feel quite anxious. On the settlement, at the moment, there isn’t any commitment for you.

Even though I don’t have the chance to enforce the settlement, I want something written. A trace that it was my will to establish a relationship. At the same time, if you are sincere in your words, it shouldn’t be any problem in allowing this type of sentence. And, more or less, the scheme is like the meeting you have promised I may have with Haruka this November.

I hope having mailed my desire soon enough so there is still time to change the settlement.

Bye.

Andrea

P.S.: I want to let you know that it is really likely I will sleep in Tokyo all my stay. I deeply and really thank you for your kind suggestions! I have found the place interesting.