January the 9th, 2020
Dear Mutsumi,
With our divorce we have finally turned the page.
I want to do a final evaluation.
First of all, I want to say that I am happy that Haruka has a good mother as you are.
With you I had the chance to be a father. (Even though I am almost excluded from Haruka's life.)
So, concluding our marital relationship, I am happy having had a spouse like you because you have deeply requested I was a better person. I have really appreciated it and I have learnt so much from you. And day by day, I understand better your teachings.
I have had two year of pure joy from when we reconnected in early 2013 to December 2014.
I have learned a lot from you and my heart explode in emotion if I remember everything, starting by our meeting in Toronto. You have been the biggest emotion of my life and the most important. I will keep it forever.
With you I had the chance to feel the deepest love for another person: not everybody has this chance in a life! I had. I am satisfied about it. I will keep the remembering of those sensations inside me. My life with you has had a meaning. For me you will remain the most beautiful and the more intelligent ever!
Due to the great gratitude I have for you, before to meet you last time in Tokyo, my fear was I could fall in love again with you; my wounds were just healed that I couldn’t afford suffer again. I think everything has gone well. I hope we may stay (good) friends. I have discovered again the reason why I wanted you as my mate and because I think you are far better than many other women. But I have seen again that is good we both are free.
The other fear I had was that Haruka would have avoided any contact with me. Instead, thanks to your help, there has been a real and deep relationship!
After your help in playing with Haruka at Asobono (Tokyo Dome), I am not anymore in anger with you. I just hope that you will have a little more flexibility in order to let me meet with Haruka.
At the same time I thank you for having broken the relationship: on long term, it really couldn’t work. I thank you for the chance you have given to me but you have done the right thing in breaking the relationship: I am not fit to be married.
I have my limits, I don't want to work too much (I don’t like to be a slave), I don't like to be scolded and I rebel when directed.
Without you and without my mother I would be in a middle of a street, a homeless.
Thanks to you I have a profession now, or at least I have the desire to have one. You showed me the right direction. Sometimes I still lose the track, but I know I am doing well most of the times.
A big problem with me is that I always express my Hon'ne (本音). We Italians tend to be too much open in our emotions. And among the Italians I am quite a sincere person. So I would have never had the chance to learn Tatemae (建前), so important in Japanese society.
I want to apologise again for having given you the divorce so slowly: but I couldn’t give up. My only aim was to have a possible relationship with Haruka.
You have always been free, and now you are free also from the point of view of the law.
About the gifts I gave to you during our relationship and you have you sent back to me: those are for Haruka if you don’t want them back. I will give them to her at the right moment or I will sell them and I will give her the money.
Speaking again about Haruka, I have detected some resemblance with my family behavior. So I inform you that in my family from my mother side there is the chance of “Dyslexia”. My mother and I had it. And the fact she eat ice might be a sign of “Pica”: me, my mother, and a little bit my sister and my brother have it as well.
We haven't spoken much in those days I was in Tokyo, but I am happy having seen you in good condition. Especially the second weekend. Although I have seen you suffering sometimes and I am sorry about it.
I wait for a possible “Skype” or “Whatsapp” connection with Haruka.
(As I have already told, it must be an easy thing because also for me it is hard to stay in front of a camera trying to invent something to say. It would be meaningless make a “normal” Skype connection. Instead I imagine something like this: you open the Skype connection, after some moment you inform Haruka to greet me at the video. She can go back to play or doing what she want; after 10 or 20 minutes, we close the connection, without the need to say a word during the connection. Just before to close the connection, we greet each other. In those minutes during the connection, I will be at the desk reading a book or working on the computer and if Haruka would say something to me, I will answer. I don’t want to force any kind of conversation. She is young. She is free to decide to avoid me.).
However I am not in hurry. My computer works but it needs some refurbish. At this moment, if we have a Skype connection, it might be it will be some slowdown. I will do the refurbish in February when I will have more money. For Whatsapp connection I am ready.
It is time to stop since as usual I write too much.
Give a kiss to Haruka from me since I always think about her and sometimes I also dream her.
Thank you for everything you have done for my life!
Bye!
Andrea
