Monday, December 1, 2025
MEETING NOVEMBER 2025
Saturday, April 26, 2025
Putting things clear
April 26th 2025
If you let Haruka meet her relatives, no one will think badly of you. At the moment, I see my family as rather neutral—in fact, I openly say that I made many mistakes with you, and I say that Japanese culture is different from Italian culture. Of course, my sister is starting to get annoyed (having also worked for the Japanese company Otsuka, she knows the cultural differences, but also knows what you can allow). For example, there’s Denise who adores you—for your grace and refinement (which is different from her mother). You’ve also always remembered the children, and children can sense that. I have no interest in speaking badly of you, even if I believe you are not fair to me, and I think you distort reality just to justify your abusive behavior toward me. But I don't tell them these things—I keep them to myself.
最後の努力をしてほしいと私はお願いしたいです。あと一年だけ我
私はそのような要求を本当に侮辱的で、虐待的で、許しがたいもの
Trying to stay calm
April 23th 2025
Anyway, I stay positive. I don't want to answer because anything I say may be used against me! (joy)
I only say that informing you, one year in advance, is more that enough, considering that we have the money to reach where you are.
If you reckon that I am the problem, I can avoid to be present at the meeting.
For anything else you have written in the message, in the future, if I have time, I will say something.
Andrea
Mutsumi's Answer
April 23th 2025
Should I reply to the long messages you've been sending me lately? But if I continue to worry about it, the messages will only increase.
I told Haruka directly about your request for a meeting and told her to tell you how she feels. I told her that no matter how she feels, your father will accept it, and called you. She must have been worried about your question, "When can we meet?" and quickly answered, "Maybe around August."
I asked her about the August meeting the day before yesterday. I'm sorry for you, but she seemed confused and said, "August..." August is the high season. Summer in Japan is very hot, and there are many days when it is dangerous to go outside. How about a meeting in November? When I told her, "There will be regular meetings in November," she smiled and nodded.
I think you should decide the date and itinerary for the visit.
Regarding the recent visit, you complained about the visit in a long message afterwards. You didn't say anything at the time. I think this is very rude.
I realized that I should just follow your plan because you said something later.
I won't accept any money from you, and I don't need any money for meals. If I did, I would definitely feel uncomfortable.
I thought the visit was for you to spend time with Haruka. So I told her, "Your father just came from Italy to see you. Spend time with your father." And we kept a little distance and watched over her.
If that ends up being perceived as "disrespectful to you" or "(we) are flirting," we will spend it as usual. No matter who Haruka sits next to, you shouldn't complain.
As for the location, please avoid Minami-Uonuma City. The fear you have caused my family around my parents' house is more than you can imagine.
Shogo and I are planning to get married in the summer. We plan to move around April next year. We haven't decided where, but we may accompany Shogo on his work on a remote island for about two years.
We should be in the middle of moving to a new life around the time your family travels to Japan.
We should decide where we're moving around February next year, so we'll let you know around then whether we'll be able to meet your family. We'd like to hear about your travel dates as soon as they're known.
As for the meeting we planned for November, we intend to adjust the date no matter where we move to.
Lastly, as I said before, Shogo and I will probably get married around summer.
He has a very good relationship with Haruka. He has already been an emotional support for Haruka and has given her many experiences. From now on, I will ask him to help me raise her emotionally and financially. As for moving, we are considering a place that will place as little strain on her as possible, taking into consideration her personality and characteristics.
He is already watching over and supporting Haruka like a family member. Is it really appropriate for you to call yourself Haruka's father and explain to him the rights and responsibilities of a father?
I would like you to make a decision after seeing Haruka and him at your next meeting.
I feel so sorry for Silvia. She welcomed us.
I had hoped that we could meet regularly in Italy and that Haruka could spend some time with her cousins. I also discussed with your sister how important it is for Haruka to spend time with her cousins. I thought that in Italy you could spend as much time with her as you wanted. While talking to Silvia on the Italian beach, I had a faint hope that I would come to see them again.
Unfortunately, you jumped to conclusions and insulted me as if I was a terrible person who just wanted to enjoy a free trip to Italy. You probably don't remember anyway.
I'm scared to imagine what kind of person your family thinks I am through your words.
But Silvia still wants to see Haruka. I wish I could live up to her words, but our situation is always changing. With any luck, we will be able to meet again.
Mutsumi
Today is Easter here
April 20th 2025
Today it's
Easter here. I can’t help but think of Haruka. Yesterday, during a family
lunch, we had a moment to discuss how to organize the trip to Japan that we’ll
take together next year. I mentioned again that it might not be possible to see
Haruka. Silvia, in particular, said that she’s happy to visit Japan, but they
specifically chose the destination because of the chance to meet Haruka too.
Among the
things I’d like them to experience, the only real issues I have are with the
Onsen Ryokan (because I’m not sure about the rules for women to enter) and the
Okonomiyaki (I wouldn't know how to enter the restaurant or how to make it
myself). For the rest, thanks to everything you’ve shown me over the years, I
think I’ll manage to give them a great trip. Of course, they also want to
experience the Hanami. But depending on the timing of the cherry blossoms,
we’ll head south if we arrive too early, and north if we arrive too late.
The other
day, in a strong urge to see Haruka, I searched online and found a plane ticket
for May 20th at a really good price! It was hard to resist to buy it… But it
makes no sense to come if I can’t see her. I hope you can understand how much
I’m suffering in this situation.
You haven’t
said anything about my request for August. It will be very hot and plane
tickets are really expensive, but I would make the effort—even just to see
Haruka for five minutes. I don’t ask for more, as long as it’s clear that’s all
I’m allowed. As I said, I will come in November anyway. But without an
appointment, it just becomes a hassle for you and a pointless struggle for me.
If you can,
please tell Haruka that her father says hello and give her a kiss from me (if
she even cares—I got the feeling from the last video call that she doesn’t need
my attention).
(This text
was translated with AI)
今日はここではイースターです。春香のことを考えずにはいられません。昨日の家族との昼食の際に、来年一緒に行く予定の日本旅行についてどう計画を立てるか話し合う時間がありました。
私は、もしかしたら春香に会えないかもしれないと、また言いました。特にシルヴィアは「日本を見てみたい気持ちもあるけど、春香に会えるかもしれないからこそ行き先に選んだ」と話していました。
みんなにぜひ見てほしい場所はいくつかありますが、心配なのは温泉旅館（女性が入る際のルールが分からないこと）とお好み焼き（自分で焼く店にどう入ればいいか分からないこと）だけです。それ以外は、これまであなたが見せてくれたおかげで、きっと素敵な旅にできると思います。もちろん、花見もしたいとみんなが言っています。開花の時期によって、早すぎれば南へ、遅すぎれば北へ行こうと思っています。
この前、春香に会いたいという強い気持ちがこみ上げてきて、ネットで探したら、5月20日のとても安い航空券を見つけました！ 本当に、我慢するのが大変でした……。でも、春香に会えないなら行く意味がない。私がどれほどこの状況に苦しんでいるか、あなたに分かってもらえたら嬉しいです。
8月のお願いについて、何も返事をもらっていません。とても暑いだろうし、航空券もかなり高い。でも、たとえ5分でも春香に会えるなら、そのために努力します。それ以上は望みません。それだけが私に許されていることなら、それで構いません。
言った通り、11月には行くつもりです。でも、約束がなければ、それはあなたたちにとっても迷惑になるし、私にとっても無意味な苦労になります。
もし可能なら、春香に「お父さんが挨拶してるよ」と伝えて、私の代わりにキスをしてあげてください（彼女が興味を持ってくれていればですが……最後のビデオ通話では、私の関心なんて必要としていないように見えました）。
（この文章はAIで翻訳されました）
Wednesday, April 9, 2025
I was very hurt
I was very hurt by the response I received from Haruka regarding the possibility of meeting in March or April. For Easter, I won’t send any gift, I really don’t feel like doing it. I can’t just be the one who sends gifts; I care about her because I have feelings for her.
Saturday, February 8, 2025
The Family Dorama, Step 2!
Dear
Mutsumi, I really thank you for clarifying the situation especially the relationship
with Shogo. This has reassured me on one hand, but it brings new scenarios too.
About money
(again!), I know that you haven’t asked anything. At the same time, it is my duty
to pay for those expenses (I follow the Divorce Settlement). It cannot happen
that you say (also in a Court) you haven’t held a meeting because I didn’t give
you the money. Last time, by booking late, not having shared your plans, having
put me in the risk to not find a place where to sleep, not confirming the
meeting until the last minute and so on, you created a whole series of
misunderstandings. And you write that it was an “unexpected situation”. I had informed
you in September that I found a good hotel, also for you and the people you had
to stay together. I had lost the chance because you didn’t answer and I had to
book in another hotel at a much higher price. And about the trip in Italy, I have
never said you had fraud anybody. I complained that I need to see more time
Haruka! Only through the trip in Italy I had a chance to have a proper, rich
and complete moment with our daughter. And about the last meeting, I don’t
complain for the expenses or for the things we have done, but the way you both have
acted, the way you treated me.
Regarding
the phone call with Haruka that came out of nowhere, after years, I gladly
accepted it but:
- - What
meaning I have to give to it?
- - Have
I to consider it either a refuse of meeting from Haruka, or an invalid way to
manipulate the situation by you?
- -
If
this is the new course of the relationship? (Even though I don’t believe it). Can
I expect more frequent and regular calls?
- - How
many phone calls are the right amount to decide if a child is reliable?
- - In
which way can I contact her again? Is there also an in-person confirmation (of
few minutes) to ensure that the child has understood what has been proposed to
her?
- - She
refused to meet in April and she proposed to meet me in August, should I
believe in this? Can I buy a flight ticket and book the hotel? Can I trust in a
child so young, so vulnerable, so manipulable, so fickle?
- - Under
these conditions, leaving my opportunity to be a father at the mercy of a
child's whims, is unacceptable.
- - Since
you are Japanese and tend to be precise, treating even family-related meetings
as if they were business appointments, I request that we establish a clear
schedule as soon as possible for our meetings (so I can buy a low-price ticket for
August that is peak season in Italy).
- - If
we consider instead this phone call as Haruka refusing to meet me, then we are
entering a phase that was bound to come sooner or later. So, I will come to
Japan only to let Haruka know that I was there. And when she becomes an adult,
that will be the end of it. In fact, a
normal response from a child when their father asks if he can visit should be
immediate and happy acceptance—not the cold response I received: 'I can't
because I'm busy.' What could a child of her age possibly be so busy with? Who
says and who decided that our meetings must be limited to two half-days in
Tokyo? Who says that a meeting couldn’t be just half an hour a day, over
multiple days, in the area where she lives? Who says I can't buy a house nearby
and regularly see my daughter on weekends, even for just a few minutes? This simply means that the child is now being
spoiled and shaped by Japanese culture, and it is highly likely that our
relationship will end in the emotional detachment and superficiality she is
absorbing from her surroundings.
Anyway,
I’ll take this opportunity to say that I’m absolutely fine with meeting Haruka
with Shogo, without your presence. In fact, I have nothing against him. I want to
say more: from today on, I consider him responsible for ensuring that the
meetings happen regularly. Especially if you two get married. In fact, I’m
worried that under Japanese law, I may no longer be recognized as Haruka’s
father. So, as soon as I can, I will inform him of this. If you want, you can
let him know in advance. He needs to be aware of this, at least given your
health condition. And in this case, I will reimburse him for the travel
expenses.
The Family Dorama continues!
Saturday, January 25, 2025
親愛なるむつみへ - My Dearest Mutsumi - Mia Carissima Mutsumi
親愛なるむつみへ、
この手紙はイタリア語で書きますが、AIの助けを借りて日本語と英語にも翻訳します。そうすれば、いくつかの部分が分かりにくかったり、失礼に感じられたりする場合に確認できると思います。
実際、この手紙の目的は礼儀正しくすることではなく、自分の考えを直接的かつ完全に伝えることです。AIの助けを借りることで、私はより簡単に書くことができ、あなたも私のメッセージを適切な言葉で簡単に読むことができるでしょう。
この手紙の最後の部分では、ハルカの相続に関する話題について触れる予定です。この件については、東京での面会後にまだ詳しく説明していない部分があります。
まずは、私たちの最後の面会から始めます。
私は、ハルカがあなたに対して少し苛立ちを感じているように思いましたが、それでも彼女は常に敬意を持っていました。あなたはいつも彼女をきれいに整えてくれます。その結果、彼女はあなたに愛情と親しみを示しており、それを私はとても嬉しく思っています。なぜなら、それは私たちが彼女を持とうと努力した時の私の目標だったからです。
私は感謝を求めているわけではありませんが、もう少しの敬意は確かに望んでいます。あなたが私と対立しようとしていることがはっきりと分かります。友好的に話すつもりはなく、LINEで「私たちの関係は簡単ではない」と言ったメッセージを送ってきます。
それに対して、確かに私たちの関係が簡単ではないのは同意します。なぜなら、私自身が非常に扱いにくい性格をしているからです。この点については申し訳なく思っています。残念ながら、私は常に議論したがる人間で、あらゆる細部を掘り下げ、最後の一手まで自分の立場を守ろうとします。ただ、間違っていると気づいたときは理解しようと努めますが、それに気づくのが遅すぎることが多いです。そして特に、相手を疲弊させてしまう傾向があります。それがあなたに対しても起こってしまいました。この点について謝罪します。私たちの議論であなたを疲れさせてしまったことは間違いありません（そしてこの手紙でさえも疲れさせていると思います）。ですが、今の私たちの関係の問題がすべて私に起因しているとは思っていません。私は問題の一部に過ぎないのです。
もし私がいなくなった場合のハルカの相続問題に関する最近の対立を振り返ると、あなたは私の懸念の多くを理解していないように思えました。私はいつものように、あなたの指摘にすべて反論しましたが、いつも自分が責められているように感じました。自分では問題がないと思っていたのに（今でもそう信じています）。これは、あなたが持っている文化に基づく視点を私が理解できないからです。あなたは自分の考えをあまり表現しないため、私はそれを理解することができません。私は話しすぎますが、あなたは話さなさすぎるのです。
すべての始まりは、私がトリチェズィモにある家（私が改修したいと考えている古い家）から戻った夜、突然あなたが「ハルカをあなたの財産で問題に巻き込まないで」と言ったことでした。あなたは「先を見通す力」を持つ人であり、その点を私はずっと素晴らしい特徴として見ていました。一方で、私はもっと目先のことしか考えず、その軽率さの代償を後で払うタイプです。しかし、私がわざわざハルカを問題に巻き込むつもりなどあるはずがありません。
その時、私の頭の中にはこう思いました。「一体この人は何を言いたいんだ？俺を捨てて、娘にも会わせないくせに、今度は俺がどう生きるべきかまで決めたいのか？俺はここであと30年は暮らすつもりだし、自分の選択をする権利も自由もあるはずだ」。一方で、あなたは日本的な視点から見て、将来の遺産が問題を引き起こす可能性があると考えていました。イタリアでは物事がどう機能しているのかを聞いてくれるわけでもなく（後で説明します）、ただ自分の考えを率直に伝えるだけでした。
東京で会ったあの数日間、私はこう自問しました。「本当にこんな人と結婚したのか？」と。新しい恋人といちゃつき、その様子に困惑する娘がいる。あの頃、清廉で、礼儀正しく、正直だと思っていた彼女がこれなのか？この女性との間に子どもを持つなんて、どうしてこんなにも大きな間違いをしてしまったのだろう？
そして、東京のイタリアンレストランの外で、日曜日に、あなたが最初に言っていたことについて考え、また猪との事故があった後で、自分の視点をより良く説明する必要があると気づき話し始めた時、私はあなたの態度に非常に居心地の悪さを感じました。それは、状況にアプローチする適切な方法ではありませんでした。そしてその時、あなたが私たちの関係が問題だと証明しようと過剰に振る舞っているように感じました。確かに私の性格が悪いことを差し引いても、あなたは私が話しかけること自体に対しても、ほとんど侮辱されたかのような態度を見せていました。これが問題を解決する方法ですか？問題に対処する際の適切な方法だと思いますか？
それは明らかに、私たちがもう互いに適合しないということです。しかし、問題はなぜ定期的に対立を求めているように見えるのかということです。私が争いたくなく、唯一の目的が私たちの娘との関係を築くことだというのに。私は、あなたが現実ではないことに怒っているとも、現実でないことを作り出しているとも言いません。しかし、小さなことを大きな問題にし、対立を解決する方法を教えてくれるどころか、むしろ私が神経質になるよう仕向けているように見えます。私は声を抑えて話すことさえも（いつも怒鳴りたい気持ちを抑えているので）しているのに、あなたはそれでも私を苛立たせようとするように感じます。
今回の旅行の前にも、あなたは私を苛立たせ、この旅を諦めさせようとするためにあらゆる手を尽くしました。しかし、私は諦めません！私の理想と価値観はもっと大きなものです。
私はもはや、かつて愛し、憧れ、そして崇拝したあなたを認識できません。あなたは変わりました。私はあなたの母性本能を感じたから（アヤメを抱いている写真を今でも覚えています）あなたを選びました。強くて決断力があり、妥協のない女性である一方で、あなたは優しく、親切で、繊細で洗練された人に見えました。しかし最近、私に対する態度は耐え難いほどです。
あなたは私にとって大切な存在でした。あなたが私のためにしてくれたすべてのことに感謝します。しかし、この件に関しては、あなたが私を傷つけるような行動を取ったと思います。最後の2回の面会では、あなたは緊張や分裂を生み出そうとするためにあらゆることをしました。ハルカでさえ、それについて不満を漏らしていました。実際、旅行の前からあなたは私を苛立たせようとし、連絡にも応じず、面会の確認さえしてくれませんでした。しかし、あなたは理解していません。私にとって最も重要なことはハルカであり、私は彼女のためにこれをしているのであって、自分のためではありません。この態度は極めて不公平です。
あなたは常に少し問題のある性格でしたが、美しい人でした。あの頃の少女、あの夢、あの愛から何が残っていますか？怒りと復讐心、そして私に代償を払わせたいという思いだけですか？私は最善を選び、あなたは常に私にとって第一選択でした。別の女性を探そうと思えば見つけることができたでしょう。しかし、あなたに出会って以来、私はあなたを最高だと思ってきました。しかし今では、非常に失望しています。私はあなたに失望しているのか、愛に失望しているのか、あるいは人生そのものに失望しているのかわかりません。
しかし、ハルカを見ると、私は幸せを感じ、人生に対する信頼と欲求を取り戻します。お願いですから、私の思い出を壊さないでください。あなたはもう私と関わりたくないと考えており、そのことを私は受け入れました。あなたと一緒にいることで、私は人生の喜びを見つけ、言葉では表現できない感情を経験しました。私はあと20年か30年は生きたいと思っています。あなたがかつての姿であった頃の記憶と、あなたに感じた感情の記憶があれば、私は自分の人生を幸せに終えることができると思います。ですので、どうかすべてを台無しにしないでください。
道でばったり会うことがあっても、特に南魚沼でまた来る予定があるとき、挨拶する必要はありません。私はただハルカに会いたいだけです。そして、私の利益を損なうようなことを話しているのはわかっています。なぜなら、ハルカが私と二人きりでいたいと思うとは思えないからです。
私は、あなたが自分の名前「むつみ」とトロントのホステルで愛らしく教えてくれた日を今でも覚えています。何度もあなたに聞き直し、私には発音が難しかったので紙に書かなければなりませんでした。
私は、あなたが好きだった理由が、あなたが型破りでありながら清廉であることにあったと信じています。私は普通ではないものに惹かれますが、西洋の型破りな女性たちは通常、ドラッグやアルコール、タトゥーなどによって壊れていることが多く、それは内面的な不安を表すものであり、知的で活発な心の結果ではありません。また、西洋の型破りな女性たちは、性的な習慣において乱れていることが多く、態度や言葉遣いも下品です。しかし、あなたはそうではなく、型にはまらない人でありながら、私がいまだに受け入れることができないような過剰な堕落とは無縁のように見えました。
私は本当に、あの頃のあなたが普通ではなかったと信じています。それは日本人としても特別だったと思います。なぜなら、日本に行ったとき、そこでは同調性が重視されている傾向があると気づいたからです。それは、今やあなたにも見られるものです。あるいは、もともとそういう傾向があったのかもしれませんが、私はそれを見たくなかったのかもしれません。でも、あなたは私が踊りたいときに踊らせてくれ、私の夢について考えさせてくれました（たとえ後に、現実の枠に収められなかったためにあなたが苦しんだとしても）。あなたは、私が望むなら作家になればいいとさえ言ってくれました。しかし、そのとき私は十分に元気ではなく、決断を下す準備も、そしてそれを実行する力（肉体的にも精神的にも）もありませんでした。
そして、あなたが私に同調するよう求めてきたとき、私はそれに従うことが本当にできませんでした。
私は、あなたと家族を持とうとしたことが、たとえ厳しい経験であったとしても、満足していますし、今でもそう思っています。しかし、離婚後に、あなた（そしてあなたの新しいパートナー）と関係を持つことを強制されるのは不公平だと感じます。私たちは同じ価値観を共有しておらず、楽しみ方も違います。これには一体どんな意味があるのでしょうか？
SHOGOについてですが、特に昨年4月、あなたが個人的な安全のために彼が必要だった理由は理解しています。実際、当初、私は彼が警察官のような存在だとさえ思っていました。そして、娘に会うためなら、何でもする覚悟でした。しかし、あなたと彼の愛情表現を見せつけられる必要があるでしょうか？それには意味がないと思います。そのうえ、彼が多くの時間を費やしていることから、食事を提供する義務を感じています。しかし、私たちは友人ではありません。あなたとも、今や友人ではありません。そして、彼と一緒に過ごすことに特に喜びを感じているわけでもありません。前回、少なくともいくつか会話がありましたが、今回は何もありませんでした。
幸いなことに、今の私は収入が良く、費用のほとんどを支払うことに満足しています。私は旅行費や宿泊費をカバーする封筒を渡し、あなたとハルカが立派な休暇を過ごせるようにしました。そして、何を発見したと思いますか？3人全員が同じベッドで寝ていたことです。
私は自分の娘に会うことさえできないのに、見知らぬ男が娘と同じベッドに寝ることが許されるのですか？
この出来事は、日本の法的観点がいかに歪んでいるかを再び浮き彫りにしています。最低限の権利も保証されず、社会の階層化と規制の手段として社会的暴力が正当化されています。その結果、取り返しのつかない児童期のトラウマを生み出し、社会をよりコントロールしやすくしているのです。
私の娘が血縁関係のない男性と同じベッドで寝たという話を聞くと、私は身の毛がよだつ思いがします。寒気すら覚えます！これは何ですか？倒錯ですか？堕落ですか？この場合、あなたも彼も両方がそうだということになるのでしょうか？
少しでも感情や責任を持つ人間であれば、このような状況を拒否するべきだったのではないでしょうか？これは彼について考えていることです。そして、あなたは母親として、どんな根拠で娘をそのような状況に置いたのですか？
つまり、あなたが恋人を選び、その結果、私の娘がその男性と一緒に寝なければならないのですか？彼は何も言わないのですか？何かしらの利益があるのでしょうか？
私は、娘の宿泊費と旅行費を支払っていますが、このような話を聞かなければなりませんか？そして、父親である私が娘に会うことさえできないのですか？
さらに、あなたはこれまで私に対して、この男性が誰なのか、彼が娘に対してどのような役割を果たしているのかを明確に説明していません。ですから、この男性があなたのパートナーだと推測するしかありません。同じベッドで寝ていることからそう考えるしかありません。ですが、正直なところ、この男性があなたのパートナーであることを願っています。そうでなければ、これはあらゆる人間の概念を超える話です。そして、これが日本の国家によって容認されているとは驚きです。イタリアではこのようなことがあれば刑務所行きです。しかし、日本では世界が完全に逆さまになっているようです。
私は警察に行き、この件について何を言われるか見てみたい気持ちにさえなりました。そして、私はこの件を大使館に報告するつもりです。
ここに何らかの虐待が含まれていないと断言できるでしょうか？それはあなたからも含めてです。あなたは衝撃的な決定を一方的に下しました。そのうえ、娘はその状況について明確に不快感や反対の意志を示しており、それを言葉にして私に伝えてくれました。
私が聞いたことは冒涜だと思いますが、私は冷静でいようと努めています。しかし、もしハルカに虐待やトラウマがあった場合、誰かがその責任を取ることになるでしょう。いつかは誰かがその責任を負うことになります。これは脅しではありません。それが事実として確認された場合にのみ起こることです。そして、この問題はこの件に限りません。
私はこう推測しています。あなたは前回、東京に来たくないと思っており、私を苛立たせるためにすべてをギリギリまで引き延ばしたのではないでしょうか。それで適切な宿泊施設が見つからなかったのかもしれません。しかし、もしあなたが事前に計画を立ててくれていたら、かかった費用を教えてくれれば、私はハルカのために部屋代を払うことができました。しかし、もしかすると私の知らない事情があるのかもしれません。それには特に関心はありませんが、少なくとも少しの明確さがあればと思います。あなたとSHOGOの関係はどうなっているのか、そしてそれがハルカにどのように関係しているのかを教えてください。
私たちの関係についてですが、私に愛の夢を持ち続けさせてください。先ほど述べたように、私はあと30年は生きたいと願っており、そのためには過去10年間の人生で私を支えてくれた美しい記憶が必要です。この10年は非常に困難でした。そして、あなたへの強い愛情が私を生き続けさせてくれました。
あなたは私が経験した中で最も美しく、最も力強い感情そのものでした。おそらく私はあなたがどんな人なのかを誤解していたのかもしれません。あるいは、あなたも自分自身を誤解していたのかもしれません。しかし、私は何も後悔していません。それどころか、あなたに感謝しています。ただ、私はもはやあなたにかつて愛した女性の姿を見出すことができません。そして、本来忘れられないはずの記憶さえも、時折曇ってしまいます。
今、あなたは新しい幸せを手にしているように見えます。それも、もしかしたら以前よりも大きなものかもしれません。あなたがそのパートナーと幸せそうにしているのが見て取れます。私はあなたを見ても嫉妬を感じません。それどころか、もはやあなたを認識できないほどです。しかし、この最後の面会の後でも、私は自問しました。「これにどんな意味があるのだろうか？」と。私が愛したのは、別のむつみであり、今のあなたと彼ら（パートナーと娘）とは何も共有していないのではないか？少なくとも4月の時点ではSHOGOと何か会話がありましたが、今回は本当に何もありませんでした。あなたからも、彼からも。
そして、正直に言いましょう。私たちは文化的にも知的にもまったく異なる世界に属しています。たとえば、私はスタジアムで試合を見ることは絶対にありませんし、Hello
Kittyに行ったのもただ娘と過ごすためだけでした。私にとって、それらの活動は自分の知性や人生観に合致しません。この点でスノッブに見られたくはありませんが、私の母も似たような「庶民的」なアプローチを持っていて、私の父（彼こそが真の知識人でした）はそれをほとんど我慢できませんでした。
離婚についても、私は感謝しています。それは私たち二人に自由を与える選択だったからです。あなたは何年も前に、私をあなたのパートナーとして選ぶ決断をしました。そして、正しいこととして、その関係を終わらせることを選びました。その決断を私は否定しません（最初は受け入れることができず、あなたを大いに困らせたことはわかっていますが）。私はその決断を否定しないのは、あなたが自由だからです。何度も言ってきたように、もし私の愛が偽りのものであったなら、私はあなたを早く忘れていたでしょう。一方で、私はあなたを自分の所有物だと考えたことは一度もありません。ですから、もう会わなくてもいいのです。
私はただ、ハルカに対する道徳的かつ感情的な義務のために、あなたに会わなければなりません。しかし、私にとっては、あなたが身を引いてくれれば十分です。そして、本当に、私はあなたとこれ以上会う必要はありません。なぜなら、あなたの私に対する冷酷で、挑発的で、無礼とさえ言える態度を見ることで、私が持つあなたの記憶が壊れてしまうからです。その記憶を変えたくはありません。そして、その記憶は私が生きるために必要なものです。それは私の精神的な安定に欠かせないものなのです。
ですので、できるだけ早く、ハルカと二人きりで会わせてください。現在の状況は持続不可能です。そして、この要求は私自身の利益に反しています。なぜなら、ハルカが私に会うことを喜ぶのは、私たちが家族になることを彼女が信じているからです。正直なところ、彼女があなたなしで私に会うことをこんなに嬉しく、望んでくれるかどうか、私はわかりません。彼女にとって、私はそれほど重要な存在ではないからです。そして、彼女が私に会いたくないと思えば、私はそれを受け入れます。ただし、先に述べたように、彼女が成人するまでは（そして資金がある限り）日本に行き続けるつもりです。
私はあなたとの間に子どもを持ちたかったのは、あなたに幸せになってほしかったからです。ハルカはあなたを愛していますが、もしあなたが彼女に疲れてしまったのなら、私は彼女を引き取る準備があります。ハルカが「自分は誰に似ているのか」と聞いたときにあなたが見せる表情や、「あなたには全然似ていない」と言うのは好きではありません。それは、彼女を傷つけているのではないでしょうか。彼女は確かにあなたによく似ていますが、私の家族にも似ている部分があります。あなたがそれを否定する理由が理解できません。
それはさておき、あなたは本当に彼女をよく面倒見ています。きれいにしていて、手入れが行き届いていて、教育も立派にされています。そして、彼女には素晴らしい性格があるように思えます。だからこそ、彼女を支え、助けてあげるべきなのです。彼女は「違う」存在として、日本の社会で多くの困難に直面するでしょう。もし母親であるあなたからの正しい支えが感じられなければ、深く傷つくようなトラウマを抱えることになるかもしれません。
このような状況の中で、私は娘にとって父親の存在もできる限り近くにあるべきだと言いたいです。彼女は私を頼れるということを知る必要があります。たとえそれが日本の教育的な考え方に反するとしても、私はそれが完全に間違っていると思っています。日本人として完全に同化している子どもたちには、それがうまく機能するかもしれませんが、ハルカはそうではありません。そのため、彼女には特別な配慮をお願いしたいのです。
あなたは、私とハルカの「継続的な関係」を持つことを許さず、それを妨げています。年間数時間だけ私が娘に会えるという状況では、娘の心理的な幸福に必要な基盤を築くことはできません。それどころか、脳の成長に必要な神経接続を作るにはもう遅すぎるでしょう（これを「神経のタイミング」と呼びます）。したがって、このようなあなたのアプローチによって直接的に損害を被るのは私ではなく、ハルカです。そして、いつか彼女はこのことについてあなたに伝える日が来るでしょう。
ハルカはあなたの態度に苦しんでいます。彼女が英語を使う能力が大幅に退化しているのを感じました。おそらく、以前彼女が英語を話していた友達がもういないからでしょう。このことについてあなたと率直に、穏やかに話し合いたいと思っていますが、それは不可能のようです。あなたはただ対立を求めているように思えます。
例えば、彼女が望むのであれば、英語のレッスンを受けさせるための費用を私が支払うことを提案したいです。しかし、強制するのではなく、彼女がやりたい場合に限ります。実際、もっと良い方法があると思います。それは、私とハルカがSkypeやその他の手段を通じて定期的に話し、少しずつ一緒に英語の練習をすることです。そうすれば、私たちは両方とも英語力を向上させ、真の関係を築くことができます。さらに、あなたにも参加してほしいですが、それは現実的な期待をはるかに超えた、夢のような話だと理解しています。
だから、できるだけ早く一人でハルカに会えることを願っています。結局、ハルカを奪うつもりはないことは明らかです。そもそもどうやってそうするのでしょうか？
まず第一に、彼女のためにも。それでも、実際にはほぼ不可能です。私は本当にあなたが良い人だと信じており、彼女があなたを大切に思っていることを信じています。少なくとも彼女があなたにとって重荷になるまでは、あなたと一緒にいるのが正しいでしょう。その時が来たら、私は彼女を自分の人生に受け入れる準備があります。今なら、彼女を養うこともできます。もし彼女がすでにあなたにとって重荷であるなら、彼女を苦しませないでください。考えられるすべての選択肢を検討してください。
相続の話や、私が非難されたと感じたことについて（私はただ自分の人生を生きようとしているだけです）、繰り返しますが、あなたは先を見通すことができる人です。一方で、私はその点で少し劣っています。しかし、このあなたのポジティブな特性が時には不安を引き起こし、少なくとも私に起こったことでは、あなたが過度に主張的になりがちだということも言うべきです（それは私を怖気づかせ、不快にさせます）。だから私はあなたの意見を考慮しますが、理解し、妥協点を見つけるための時間を私にもください。あなたが私の人生や私の生き方について何をすべきかを言うのは不適切です。あなたは私を見捨て、ほぼ追い出し、ハルカの人生から私を排除しようとし、私の感情を踏みにじったのですから、あなたはもう私の世界や人生に属していません。そして、私が何をするかについて何も言うことはできません。
それでも、私はあなたの意見を聞こうとしました。なぜなら、私は本当にあなたに怒っていないからです（あなたが私に恋をする喜びを与え、あなたを愛することを許してくれたことに感謝しています。たとえあなたが私を去ったとしても、お互い様です。ただし、あなたが私の母とその感情をどう扱ったかについての苦味が残り、ハルカとの関係の継続を許さないことに苛立っています。しかし、本当に、あなたはあなたの人生を生き、私は私の人生を生きます）。
そして、あなたの視点や、もし私が死んだ場合にハルカに問題が起こらないようにするための要求には、何か間違いがあると感じます。将来、ハルカが相続の問題を抱える可能性があるからといって、私が事業を行うのを控えなければならないと想像してみてください。それをよく考えれば信じられないことです。あなたの相続の考え方では、私は車さえ持つべきではありません。なぜなら、それも私が死んだ場合、ハルカのものになるからです。私は仕事さえするべきではないということでしょう。では、生きるために私は何をすればいいのでしょうか、自分を消すのでしょうか？
それに、なぜあなたが私の人生の選択に同意しないと、そんなに激しく言うのでしょうか？
唯一の言い訳として、あなたは長引く疲れる議論や喧嘩を避けたかったということでしょう。とにかく、このあなたの要求に他の隠された理由がないことを願っています。
とにかく、私が自分の人生を生き、自分を実現し、何かをするのは理にかなっています。人生は一度きりです。他人の妄想のために自分を消したくはありません。
だから、あなたの疑問に対する解決策は実際には非常に簡単です。
たとえ私が親のように娘に何かを残したいと思っていて（実際にできるかどうかわかりませんが）、知っておくべきことは、イタリアの法律では、少なくとも私の財産の50％がハルカのものだということです（1/3だと思っていましたが、それは他のケース、たとえば一人っ子ではない場合に当てはまります。もちろん、再婚したり他の子供がいたりすれば割合がまた変わります。この法律は少し複雑です）。だから、たとえ彼女が私を憎んでいても、私の人生から消えろと言ってきても、私は法律で保証された“遺留分”を意図的に彼女から除外することはできません。また、ここイタリアでは相続は日本に比べて非常に安価です。1百万ユーロまでなら、ほとんど何も支払う必要がありません。1百万ユーロを超える場合、子供は4％を支払います。そのうえ、相続人が資金を持っていない場合、特定の銀行ローンを通じて、銀行が費用を前払いし、財産を取得したときに返済します。それでも私はそんな金額には達しません！
だから、ハルカにとっては、少額の印紙代や専門家の費用（4/5000ユーロ）を除けば、私が残す少額の財産を受け取ることができます。
とにかく、あなたはハルカが言語やイタリアの制度を知らないので問題が生じると言い、私の親戚を信頼しても不十分だと言います。それなら素晴らしい！解決策はこれです：相続を放棄することができます。その瞬間、私はそれを考えていませんでした。なぜなら、お金があるとき、物事を行うのは良いことで比較的簡単だと考えているからです。たとえ少し努力が必要でも、それは常に報われます。問題はお金がないときに生じます！だから、私は全く心配していませんでした。ハルカは私の生活に依存していませんが、私が死んだら、小額の財産を受け取ることができます。それは現在約13万ユーロです。ほとんど何もないですが、それでも少女には選択、学び、旅行の自由を与えることができます。しかし、長生きすれば、その多くが私の老後のために使われるでしょう。だから、彼女が受け取るものは少なくなるでしょう。
だから、私が死んだとき、ハルカは私の相続を放棄することを選ぶことができます。実際、大使館を通じてそのことを知らされ、相続を放棄する選択をすることができます。
もう一つの場合があります。私が残りの50％の財産を他の人、例えば私の甥や姪に譲ることを選んだ場合。彼らが相続にアクセスするには、市役所と裁判所を通じて、ハルカに相続を受け入れるかどうかを確認する必要があります。そして再び大使館（またはむしろ領事館）を通じて連絡され、彼女は放棄を選ぶことができます。
明らかに、あなたが決定することはできません、特に事前には。ハルカが未成年である場合、その権利のために後見人が任命される可能性があります（この場合はイタリア領事です）。しかし、あなたや他の誰かになる可能性もあります。しかし、この時点で私は遺言に、私の兄弟や姉妹がハルカのイタリアでの権利の後見人であるべきだと書きます。彼女が成人（イタリアでは18歳）になるまで。この点は、遺言を作成しない場合、すべての費用が少なくなり、相続が非常に簡単になるということです。さもなければ、もっと時間とお金がかかります。
同じ枠組みの中で、財産を子供の成人になるまで凍結し、彼女が自立して決定することもできます。様子を見ましょう。
現在、私が何も書かず遺言を作成しない場合、ハルカは大使館の支援を受けて相続を放棄することができます。
以上を踏まえて、新たな問題が浮上しました。私の家族が2026年に日本に来る計画を立てています。全員です。何が彼らをそうさせたのか、私は知りません（これは再び私の義姉シルビアから始まりました。彼女は2023年8月にハルカの誕生日を祝いに訪れることを勧めてきましたが、その結果としてひどい状況が生まれました）。私は家族にハルカに会う可能性が非常に低いことを伝えました。彼らはそれでも構わないと言いました。ただし、彼らは彼女に会うことを喜ぶでしょう。
とにかく、私は今年の3月/4月と11月に来ます。都合が良いときに知らせてください。しかし、何も言わなくても、私はチケットを買います。
本当に心からの挨拶を込めて。ハルカにキスを。
アンドレア・メネゲッティ
________________________________________________________________________
My Dearest
Mutsumi,
I am writing this letter in Italian and will translate it with the help
of artificial intelligence into Japanese and then into English, so you can
check if any parts are unclear or come across as too rude.
Actually, the purpose of this letter is not to be polite, but simply to
express my thoughts directly and completely. With the help of artificial
intelligence, I will write with less effort, and you will read more easily and
in an appropriate language, which conveys what I want to communicate.
One of the final sections of this letter will
address the matter of the inheritance for Haruka, a topic I still owe you an
explanation about after the meeting we had in Tokyo.
Let me start from our last meeting.
I found Haruka a bit irritated with you, though still respectful. You
always keep her well-groomed and clean. As a result, she shows you love and
affection, and I am genuinely happy about that. That was my goal when we made
efforts to have her.
I do not ask for gratitude, but I certainly expect a bit more respect.
It is clear that you seek conflict with me, you refuse to talk amicably, and
then you send me messages on LINE telling me that our relationship is not
simple.
Anyway, I agree with you; our relationship is
not easy because I am the first to admit I have a very difficult personality.
And I regret that. Unfortunately, I am someone who always needs to argue,
analyze every detail, and defend my position until the last option. However, I
think I always try to recognize when my stance is wrong or extreme. The issue
is that it often becomes too late, and worse, I tend to exhaust the other
party. And this has happened with you as well. I apologize for that. It is safe
to say that I have worn you out in our arguments (as I am doing now with this
letter), but I do not believe that the current problems in our relationship
originate solely from me. I am just one part of the issue.
Looking at our latest conflict about Haruka’s inheritance in case
something were to happen to me, it is clear that, for the most part, you did
not understand my concerns. I responded, as usual, by countering each of your
points, but I always felt blamed as if I were guilty, even though I saw no
issue (and I still believe there isn’t one). This stems from the fact that you
have your point of view, rooted in your culture, which you do not allow me to
understand because you do not express yourself. I talk too much, but you talk
too little.
Everything started when, returning from my house in Tricesimo (the old
house I would like to renovate), in the evening, out of nowhere, you said
something along the lines of, “You must not burden Haruka with your
properties.”. You are someone who “sees beyond,” and I have always regarded
that as one of your valuable qualities, a beautiful trait. I, on the other
hand, live more in the moment and later pay the price for my superficiality.
But imagine if it is possible me wanting to burden OUR daughter with problems.
At that moment, my thought was: “What does she
want now? She left me, won’t let me see the child, and now she wants to decide
what I should do with my life? I have to live here for at least 30 more years,
and I have every right and freedom to make my own choices.” On the other hand,
you were thinking, with your Japanese perspective, that a potential inheritance
could cause issues. You did not ask me how things work in Italy (which I will
explain later), but instead told me bluntly what you thought I should do.
During those days we met in Tokyo, I was wondering—and I still wonder—“Did
I really marry someone like this?” A woman who flirts with her new boyfriend in
front of her child, who feels uncomfortable because of it. “Is this truly the
same girl I thought was pure, polite, upright? The woman I had a child with?
How could I have been so grossly mistaken?”
So, outside the Italian restaurant in Tokyo, on Sunday, when I began
speaking to you after reflecting on what you told me earlier and after what
happened with the boar incident, aware that a better explanation of my
perspectives was necessary, I felt absolutely uncomfortable because of your
attitude: that was not the way to approach the situation. It confirmed to me
that perhaps your perspective is also to exaggerate to demonstrate how
problematic our relationship is. But the problem is caused by you,
notwithstanding my (awful) character. You seemed almost offended that I dared
to speak to you. Is that the way to proceed? Is that how issues are addressed?
It’s clear that we are no longer compatible, but the question is, why do
you keep looking for conflict, even though I do not want to fight and my sole
aim is to have a relationship with our daughter? I am not saying you get angry
about things that are not real, nor am I saying you invent things, but you blow
small issues out of proportion and do not help me understand how to resolve the
conflict. On the contrary, you try to provoke me into reacting angrily, even
when I speak in a low voice (which I do with great effort because I am always
inclined to shout).
Before this
trip, too, you did everything to make me lose my temper and give up coming. But
I will not give up! My ideals and values are greater.
I can hardly recognize the person I once loved, desired, and idolized in
you. You have changed. I chose you because I felt your maternal instinct (I
still remember the photo of you holding Ayame in your arms). Even though you
are a strong and decisive woman with no half measures, you still seemed like
someone sweet, kind, delicate, and refined. Recently, however, your behaviour
toward me has been unbearable.
You were important to me, and I will always be grateful for everything
you did for me. However, I believe that in this instance, you acted in a way
that mortified me. In the last two meetings, you did everything possible to
create tension and distance. Even Haruka has complained about it. In fact,
before coming, you tried to irritate me further by not responding and not
confirming the meeting. But you fail to understand that for me, Haruka is what
matters most. I do all this for her, not for myself. Your attitude is
profoundly unfair.
You have always been somewhat difficult, but
also beautiful. What remains of that girl, of that dream, of that love? Only
anger and a desire for revenge, a wish to make me pay? I chose the best, and
you were always my first choice. I could have found another woman if I had
wanted to. But since I met you, I considered you the best. Now, however, I must
say I am deeply disappointed. I am not sure if I am disappointed in you, in
love, or in life.
Yet when I see Haruka, I feel happy and regain
trust and desire in life. I only ask you not to ruin my memory of us. You no
longer want anything to do with me, and I have accepted that. With you, I found
the joy of living and experienced emotions that cannot be described in words. I
hope to live another 20–30 years. I believe that with the memory of who you
were and the emotions I felt, I can reach the end of my existence happily. So,
I ask you not to ruin it all. If we meet by chance on the street when I return
to MinamiUonuma, do not greet me if you do not wish to. I only want to see
Haruka. And I am speaking against my interests because I do not think Haruka
would want to stay with me alone.
I still remember the day you chirped your name, “Mutsumi,” to me at the
hostel in Toronto; I asked you to repeat it several times and even had to write
it down because it was hard for me to pronounce.
I believe that what I liked about you was the fact that you were
unconventional yet pure. I like things that are out of the ordinary, but I
often struggle because unconventional Western women are usually ruined by
drugs, alcohol, tattoos—expressions of inner turmoil rather than a lively mind.
Moreover, unconventional Western women too often have a general looseness in
their sexual conduct and are vulgar in their demeanour and speech. But you
seemed nonconforming while avoiding the most degenerate excesses, which I still
cannot accept in people, let alone in a woman.
I truly believe that at that time, you were extraordinary, even for a Japanese
woman. I say this because, after visiting Japan, I noticed the tendency there
toward conformity. This is something I now see in you too—or perhaps you always
had it, and I refused to see it. But you let me dance when I wanted to dance,
dream my dreams (even though you later suffered because I could not align them
with reality). You even suggested I become a writer if I wanted to. However, at
that time, I was not well enough to make decisions or, more importantly, to
follow through with them. Until even you asked me to conform, and I simply
could not do it.
I am still grateful, and I remain so, for the
(harsh) experience of trying to have a family with you. But it is unfair that
now, after the divorce, I must be forced to maintain a relationship with you
(and your new partner): we do not share the same values, and we do not enjoy
the same things. What is the point of all this?
Regarding SHOGO, I understand his presence for your personal safety
needs, especially last April. Initially, I even thought he might be some kind
of policeman, and to see my daughter, I will do whatever is needed. But having
to witness your affectionate exchanges with him makes no sense. Then, I feel
obligated to offer him food for all the time he spends there. But we are not
friends, not even with you anymore, and I take no particular pleasure in being
with you both. Last time, at least we exchanged a few words; this time, he did
not say a thing.
Luckily for me, I currently have a good income, and I was happy to pay
for most of the expenses. I provided the envelope to cover travel and
accommodation costs to ensure you had a proper vacation. And what did I find
out? That all three of you slept in the same bed.
I cannot even see my daughter, yet a stranger is allowed to sleep in the
same bed with her!
This brings up, once again, how Japan has a distorted legal perspective,
where basic rights are not guaranteed, and social violence is paved over as a
form of regulation and societal hierarchy. This, in turn, creates irreparable
childhood traumas (making society easier to control).
Hearing that my daughter slept in the same bed as a man with whom she
has no familial relationship makes my skin crawl—it gives me chills! What is
this? Perversion? Degeneration? Both of you, in this case!
It makes me wonder: wouldn’t a person with some feeling and
responsibility have refused to allow such a thing? I say this thinking about
him. And you, as her mother, on what grounds do you put your daughter in such a
situation?
You choose a partner, and my daughter has to sleep with him? He says
nothing? Does he have some ulterior motive?
I provide money for my daughter’s lodging and travel, and I hear about
things like this? And I, her father, cannot even see her?
Among other things, you have never clarified to me who this person is or
what role he plays in my daughter’s life. So, should I deduce on my own that
this man is your partner, based on the fact that he sleeps in the same bed as
my daughter? At this point, I hope he is your partner; otherwise, we are
venturing into the realm of the unthinkable, fully endorsed by the Japanese
state. In Italy, this would lead to prison time, but in Japan, it seems the
world is entirely upside down. I even felt like going to the police to see what
they would say. And I think I will notify the embassy about this incident.
Are we sure there is no form of abuse here? Even from your side? You
unilaterally decide on such shocking arrangements. Moreover, Haruka clearly
showed and expressed her discomfort and opposition to the situation—after all,
she was the one who told me about it, bewildered and upset.
To me, what I heard is an abomination, but I am trying to stay calm.
However, if there are any abuses or traumas caused to Haruka, someone will
pay—sooner or later, someone will pay. This is not a threat, as it will only
happen if such abuses are proven. And this goes beyond just the current
situation.
I suspect that during our last encounter, you
were hoping not to come to Tokyo at all, trying to upset me and leaving
everything to the last minute. Maybe you couldn’t find an adequate room because
of the timing. But if you had planned in advance, told me how much you’d spend,
I would have covered the cost of a room for Haruka. Perhaps, however, there are
things I don’t know and frankly don’t care about, but at least there should be
some clarity. Let me know what kind of relationship exists between you and SHOGO
and how that relates to Haruka.
Regarding our relationship, then, let me simply preserve my dream of
love. As I mentioned, I hope to live at least another 30 years, and I need that
beautiful memory that has allowed me to make it through the last 10 years,
which have been extremely challenging. Only the memory of the profound emotions
I felt for you has kept me going.
You were the most beautiful and powerful emotion I’ve ever experienced.
Perhaps I was wrong about who you were. Perhaps you were wrong too. But I do
not regret anything, and instead, I thank you. However, I no longer recognize
in you the woman I loved. And even the memories that were supposed to be
unforgettable sometimes become hazy.
Now you have a new happiness, perhaps even greater. It’s evident that
you are doing well with your partner. I look at you, and I am not jealous. I do
not even recognize you anymore. But even after this last meeting, I wonder what
the point of all this is. I loved a different Mutsumi; what do I have in common
with these two individuals who say nothing? At least in April, Shogo and I
exchanged a few words, but this time there was truly nothing—not from you, nor
from him.
And let’s be honest, we come from different cultural and intellectual
worlds: for example, I would never go to a stadium to watch a match, and I only
went to Hello Kitty with you to spend time with our daughter. For me, these
activities do not align with my intellect or view of life. I don’t want to come
across as snobbish. Even my mother had a more “common” outlook, and my father
(who truly was an intellectual) could barely tolerate it.
I even thank you for the divorce. It was a choice that gave both of us
freedom. You decided to give me the opportunity to be your partner many years
ago. Rightly, you decided to end the relationship, and I do not contest this
(even if, at the beginning, I didn’t want to accept it, and I know I annoyed
you greatly). I don’t contest it because you are free. As I’ve said many times,
if my love for you had been false, I might have forgotten you quickly. At the
same time, I never considered you my possession, so for me, it’s fine if we no
longer see each other.
I only need to meet you because of my moral and emotional obligation
toward Haruka. But for me, you can step aside, and I truly have no need to see
you anymore. Seeing you, with your harsh, brazen, and borderline rude attitude
toward me, ruins the memory I have of you—a memory I am not interested in
changing and one I need to keep living. It is essential for my psychological
balance.
So, for me, as soon as possible, allow me to see Haruka alone because
the current situation is unsustainable. And I am speaking against my own
interests. In fact, I see that Haruka enjoys seeing me because she believes we
can become a family again. I truly don’t know if she would be as happy and
eager to see me without you. For her, I am not that important. And if she
doesn’t want to see me, I will accept it, although, as I’ve already said, I
won’t stop coming to Japan until she is of legal age (and if I have the money).
I wanted to have a child with you because I wanted you to be happy.
Haruka loves you, but if you are tired of her, I am ready to take her. I don’t
like the grimaces you make when Haruka asks whom she resembles, and then you
claim she doesn’t look like you at all. I think you’re hurting her. She
resembles you a lot, although she does also take after my family. I can’t
understand how you can deny this. In any case, you take very good care of
her—you keep her clean, well-groomed, and have raised her very well. And I must
say that she seems to have a lovely personality. She should therefore be
supported and helped. She will face many challenges in her Japanese life
because she is considered different. If she doesn’t feel the right support from
her mother, it could cause her deep, lasting trauma.
Within this context, I must also say it is important for the child to
have her father’s presence as much as possible. She needs to know that she can
count on me. This is true even if it goes against Japanese pedagogical ideas,
which I believe are completely wrong. I don’t deny that they may work for fully
Japanese children from a genetic perspective, but Haruka is not, and so I ask
you to show her some consideration.
You do not allow me, and you actively prevent me, from having a
consistent relationship with our daughter. The few hours a year you let me see
her do not build the necessary foundation for the child’s psychological
well-being. In fact, it’s now too late to establish these essential neural
connections in her brain because they form during specific developmental
periods (this is called “neural timing”). Therefore, this approach you have
taken doesn’t hurt me directly—it hurts Haruka. And one day, she will surely
let you know how she feels about it.
Haruka suffers from your behaviour. I noticed that her English skills
have regressed significantly. Probably because her friend, with whom she used
to practise, is no longer around. I would love to discuss these matters with
you openly and calmly, but it’s impossible. It seems that you only seek
conflict.
For example, I’d suggest paying for English lessons for her, but only if
she wants them, without forcing her. Actually, you know what would be even
better? If Haruka and I could communicate via Skype or a similar platform and
have some lessons together. That way, we would both improve our English, and a
genuine relationship could develop. I would even ask you to participate, but I
realize that goes far beyond not just realistic expectations, but even the most
hopeful dreams.
Therefore, my hope is that as soon as possible,
I can meet Haruka alone. After all, it’s clear I have no intention of taking
her away from you—how could I? First and foremost, for her sake. But it is also
practically impossible. I truly believe you are a good person, and Haruka loves
you. It is right for her to stay with you, at least until she becomes a burden
to you. From that point onward, I am willing to welcome her into my life. I can
now afford to support her. If she has already become a burden to you, don’t
make her suffer. Please consider all possible options.
Regarding the inheritance and the fact that I felt accused (when I am
simply trying to live my life), I reiterate that you are someone who can see
ahead. I, on the other hand, am not as capable in that regard. However, this
positive trait of yours sometimes leads to anxiety, and in my experience, you
tend to be overly assertive (which intimidates and unsettles me). Therefore, I
consider your perspective, but you must also give me time to understand and
find a compromise. It is inappropriate for you to dictate what I should do with
and in my life. You abandoned me, effectively pushing me out, trying to exclude
me from Haruka’s life, violating my emotions. Therefore, you are no longer part
of my world or my life. And you have no say in what I do.
Nonetheless, I tried to listen to your point of view, because I truly am
not angry with you (you gave me the greatest joy of my life by allowing me to
fall in love with you and love you, and even though you left me, we are even. I
remain bitter about how you treated my mother and her feelings, and I am
frustrated that you do not allow me a consistent relationship with Haruka. But
truly, live your life, and I will live mine).
So, I notice something flawed in your perspective and in your demands to
avoid problems for Haruka in case of my death. Imagine if I had to abstain from
conducting business because, in the future, Haruka might face problems with
inheritance. It is incredible when you think about it. With your idea of
inheritance, I shouldn’t even own a car because that would also become Haruka’s
if I died. Should I not work either? And then, how would I live—by cancelling
myself? But why tell me so aggressively that you don’t agree with my life
choices? The only justification I give you is that you wanted to avoid a long,
exhausting argument—one that would border on a fight—which I would have set up
to justify my position. I hope, however, that your demands do not have hidden
motives.
In any case, the solution to your concerns is actually very simple.
Even though I would like to leave something for my daughter (just as my
parents did for me), and even though I do not know if I can actually manage it,
you should know that under Italian law, at least 50% of my estate belongs to
Haruka. (I thought it was one-third, but that applies to other cases, not for
only children. Of course, if I were to remarry or have more children, the
percentages would change again—it’s a somewhat complex law.) So, even if Haruka
were to hate me and tell me to disappear from her life, I could not voluntarily
exclude her from the “legitimate share” she is entitled to by law.
You should also know that inheritances in Italy cost much less than in
Japan. For amounts up to €1 million, practically nothing is paid. Above €1
million, a son pays 4%. Furthermore, if the heir does not have the funds, a
specific bank loan can cover the expenses, repaid once the assets are
inherited. That said, I will never reach those figures!
So, for Haruka, aside from some minor fees for revenue stamps and a
professional (about €4,000–5,000), she could inherit the small amount I leave
her.
That said, you argue that Haruka might face challenges because she
doesn’t know the language or the Italian system, and that even though my
relatives can be trusted, it isn’t enough. Very well! The solution is this:
she can renounce the inheritance. At the time, I didn’t consider this
because, to me, receiving an inheritance is a positive thing and relatively
simple when there’s money involved. And even if some small efforts are
required, they are always worthwhile. Problems arise only when there is no
money! That’s why I was not at all worried. Haruka doesn’t depend on me to
live, but if I die, she could receive a small inheritance currently worth
around €130,000. It’s not much, but for a young girl, it can offer freedom in
choosing her education or travels. If I live a long time, much of that money
will be used for my old age, and she will receive little.
Thus, when I die, Haruka will have the choice to renounce the
inheritance. Through the embassy, she will be informed and can make her
decision.
There is another scenario: if I were to leave the remaining 50% of my
estate to others, such as my nieces and nephew. For them to access the
inheritance, they must, through the municipality and court, ask Haruka if she
accepts the inheritance. Again, she would be contacted through the embassy (or
rather the consulate) and could decline.
It’s clear that you cannot decide this, especially in advance. If Haruka
is still a minor, a guardian for her rights (in this case, the Italian consul)
could be appointed. This guardian could be you or someone else. However, I plan
to specify in my will that my brother or sister should act as guardians of
Haruka’s rights in Italy until she turns 18 (the age of majority in Italy). The
fact remains that if no will is made, everything costs less, and succession is
straightforward. Otherwise, it becomes more time-consuming and expensive.
Similarly, the assets could be kept in trust until Haruka reaches
adulthood, allowing her to decide independently at that point. We shall see.
For now, if I write no will, Haruka, with the
embassy's assistance, can renounce the inheritance.
That brings us to a new issue on the horizon:
my family plans to visit Japan in 2026—all of them together. I don’t know what
got into them (it all started, once again, with my sister-in-law Silvia, the
same one who suggested I visit Haruka in August 2023 for her birthday, which
ended disastrously). I told my family it’s very likely they won’t have the chance
to see Haruka. They said that’s fine. Of course, they would like to meet her.
In any case, I will be coming in March/April
and in November of this year. Perhaps you can inform me of when you will be
available. If you don’t say anything, I’ll buy the tickets anyway.
Sending my warmest regards to you and a kiss to
Haruka.
Andrea Meneghetti
________________________________________________________________
Mia Carissima Mutsumi,
ti scrivo questa lettera in
italiano e la tradurrò con l’aiuto dell’intelligenza artificiale in Giapponese
e poi in Inglese, così potrai controllare se alcuni passaggi non sono chiari o
se risultassero troppo maleducati.
In realtà l’obiettivo di questa
lettera non è quello di essere educato, ma soltanto quello di dire ciò che
penso in maniera diretta e completa. Con l’aiuto dell’intelligenza artificiale
io scriverò con meno fatica e tu leggerai più facilmente e con un linguaggio
adeguato, quello che vuole essere il mio messaggio.
Una delle ultime parti di questa
lettera riguarderà il discorso dell’eredità per Haruka, argomento sul quale ti
devo ancora un approfondimento dopo l’incontro che abbiamo avuto a Tokyo.
Parto proprio dal nostro ultimo
incontro.
Ho trovato Haruka un po’
innervosita nei tuoi confronti, seppur sempre rispettosa. Tu la tieni sempre
bella e pulita. Lei di conseguenza ti dimostra amore e affetto e io di questo
ne sono davvero contento. Perché questo era il mio obiettivo quando abbiamo
fatto i tentativi per averla.
Io non chiedo riconoscenza, però
un po’ più di rispetto sicuramente. Si vede chiaramente che cerchi lo scontro
con me, non vuoi parlare in termini amichevoli e poi mi mandi i messaggi su
LINE nei quali mi dici che la nostra relazione non è semplice.
Comunque sono d’accordo con te, la
nostra relazione non è facile perché io per primo ho un carattere molto
difficile. E di questo me ne dispiaccio. Purtroppo io sono una persona che deve
sempre discutere, devo approfondire ogni particolare, difendo la mia posizione fino
all’ultima opzione. Devo dire che però forse cerco sempre di capire quando ho
una posizione sbagliata o estremista. Solo che diventa troppo tardi e,
soprattutto, tendo a sfinire la controparte. E ciò è successo anche con te. Ti
chiedo scusa di questo. Si può dire tranquillamente che ti ho sfinito nelle
nostre discussioni (come ti sto sfinendo adesso con questa lettera), ma non
credo che al momento i problemi della nostra relazione partano da me. Io sono
solo una parte del problema.
Se vediamo l’ultimo scontro che
c’è sulla questione dell’eredità di Haruka nel caso in cui io venissi a
mancare, per la maggior parte non hai capito le mie perplessità. Io ho risposto
come al solito controbattendo ad ogni tuo appunto, ma mi sono sentito sempre
additato come il colpevole, quando io, non vedevo nessun problema (cosa che
credo ancora). E questo nasce perché tu hai il tuo punto di vista, derivante
dalla tua cultura, che non mi dai modo di capire, perché non ti esprimi. Io
parlo troppo, ma tu parli poco.
Tutto era partito dal fatto che al
rientro dalla mia casa di Tricesimo (la vecchia casa che vorrei ristrutturare)
la sera, così, di colpo, mi hai detto che “non devi mettere nei problemi Haruka
con le tue proprietà” o qualcosa del genere. Tu sei una persona che “vede
oltre” e io questo, di te, l’ho sempre visto come una cosa di valore, una tua
bellissima caratteristica. Io invece vivo più sul momento e poi pago questa mia
superficialità, ma figurati se voglio mettere nei problemi NOSTRA figlia.
Il mio pensiero sul momento è
stato: “Cosa vuole questa qua? Mi ha abbandonato, non mi fa vedere la bambina è
vuole pure decidere cosa devo fare della mia vita? Io qua ci devo vivere almeno
30 anni e ho tutto il diritto e la libertà di fare le mie scelte”. Tu pensavi
invece, con la prospettiva giapponese, che una eventuale eredità poteva dare
dei problemi. Non mi hai chiesto come funzionavano le cose in Italia (te ne
scriverò dopo), mi hai solo detto, fuori dai denti, cosa fare secondo te.
In quei giorni che ci siamo visti
a Tokyo mi chiedevo, ma mi chiedo tutt’ora, “Ma davvero io ho sposato una
persona del genere?”. Una donna che sta lì a fare sdolcinatezze con il
fidanzato nuovo e la figlia che si innervosisce per questa situazione. “È
davvero lei la ragazza che credevo pulita, educata, retta? Con questa donna ho
fatto una figlia? Ma come ho fatto a sbagliarmi così grossolanamente?”
E così fuori dal ristorante
italiano a Tokyo, la domenica, quando ti ho iniziato a parlare perché avevo
ragionato su ciò che mi avevi detto la prima volta e a seguito di cosa mi era
capitato con l’incidente con il cinghiale, consapevole che una migliore
spiegazione delle mie prospettive era necessario, io mi sono sentito
assolutamente a disagio a causa del tuo atteggiamento: non era il modo di
approcciare la situazione. E lì ho avuto la conferma che forse la tua
prospettiva è anche quella di esagerare per dimostrare che la nostra relazione
è problematica. Ma il problema lo fai tu, al netto del fatto che io ho il mio
(pessimo) carattere, ma dimostravi quasi di essere offesa dal fatto che avessi
osato rivolgerti la parola. È questo il modo di procedere? Si affrontano così
le problematiche?
È chiaro quindi che non siamo più
compatibili, ma la domanda è, perché periodicamente cerchi sempre un punto di
scontro, nonostante io non voglia litigare e il mio unico scopo sia di avere
una relazione con nostra figlia? Non dico che tu ti arrabbi su cose che non
sono reali, non dico che inventi cose che non sono reali, però su cose piccole
crei dei problemi enormi e non mi aiuti a capire come risolvere lo scontro.
Anzi, cerchi di farmi reagire nervosamente quando io parlo pure a voce bassa
(cosa che faccio con sforzo perché io urlerei sempre).
Anche prima di questo viaggio
hai fatto di tutto per farmi innervosire e farmi desistere dal venire. Ma io
non mollo! I miei ideali e i miei valori sono più grandi.
Quasi stento a riconoscere in te
la persona che ho amato, desiderato, idolatrato. Sei cambiata. Ti ho scelta
perché sentivo il tuo istinto materno (ricordo ancora la foto in cui tieni in
braccio Ayame). Seppur sei una donna forte e decisa, che non ha mezzi termini,
mi sembravi comunque una persona dolce, buona, delicata, raffinata. Ultimamente
nei miei confronti se addirittura insopportabile.
Tu sei stata importante per me
ti ringrazierò per sempre per tutto quello che hai fatto per me. Comunque credo
che in questo caso tu ti sia comportata in modo da mortificarmi. Negli ultimi
due incontri hai fatto di tutto per creare tensione e separazione. Anche Haruka
se ne è lamentata. Anzi, fin prima di venire hai cercato di farmi innervosire
non rispondendomi e non confermandomi l’incontro. Ma tu non hai capito che per
me la cosa più importante è Haruka. E faccio tutto questo per lei e non certo
per me. E questo tuo atteggiamento è fortemente ingiusto.
Sei sempre stata piuttosto
problematica, ma bellissima. Cosa è rimasto di quella ragazza, di quel sogno,
di quell’amore? Solo rabbia e voglia di rivincita, voglia di farmela pagare? Io
ho scelto il meglio e tu sei sempre stata la prima scelta per me. Un’altra
donna la trovavo se avessi voluto. Ma io da quando ti ho conosciuta ti ho
considerato la migliore. Ora però devo dire che sono molto deluso. Non so se sono
deluso di te, dell’amore o della vita.
Però quando vedo Haruka, sono
contento e ritrovo fiducia e desiderio nella vita. Ti chiedo solo di non
rovinarmi il ricordo. Tu non vuoi più saperne di me e io l’ho accettato. Con te
io ho trovato la gioia di vivere e ho provato delle emozioni che non possono
essere descritte a parole. Vorrei vivere ancora 20/30 anni. Io credo, che con
il tuo ricordo, di come eri e il ricordo delle emozioni che ho provato, io
posso arrivare alla fine della mia esistenza, felice. Ti chiedo solo quindi di
non rovinare tutto. Per la strada, se ci incontrassimo quando sicuramente verrò
ancora a MinamiUonuma, non salutarmi se non vuoi. Io voglio incontrare soltanto
Haruka. E parlo contro i miei interessi perché Haruka con me da solo, non credo
che ci voglia stare.
Ancora ricordo il giorno in cui mi
hai cinguettato il tuo nome “Mutsumi” all’ostello di Toronto; te lo chiesi più
volte e me lo dovetti scrivere su un foglio perché era difficile per me
pronunciarlo.
Io credo che ciò che mi è piaciuto
di te fosse il fatto di essere non convenzionale, ma pulita. A me piacciono le
cose che escono dall’ordinario, ma soffro spesso perché le donne occidentali
non convenzionali sono solitamente rovinate da droghe, alcool, tatuaggi, tutte
espressioni di un disagio interiore, piuttosto che di una mente frizzante.
Inoltre le donne occidentali non convenzionali hanno troppo spesso una
dissolutezza generalizzata nei costumi sessuali e sono volgari nel porsi e nel
parlare. Invece tu mi sembravi non omologata, ma appunto priva degli eccessi
più degeneri che non riesco tutt’ora ad accettare nelle persone, figuriamoci,
in una donna.
Io credo veramente che tu in quel
periodo fossi non ordinaria, anche per una giapponese. Dico questo perché dopo
essere stato in Giappone ho visto come lì c’è la tendenza all’omologazione.
Cosa che ormai vedo anche in te. O forse l’hai sempre avuta quella tendenza e
io non volevo vederla. Ma mi lasciavi ballare quando volevo ballare, mi
lasciavi pensare ai miei sogni (anche se dopo ne hai sofferto perché non
riuscivo a farli rientrare in un quadro di realtà), mi avevi proposto anche di
diventare scrittore se lo avessi voluto. Ma io in quel momento non stavo
abbastanza bene per fare delle scelte, ma soprattutto non avevo la forza (fisica
e mentale) per portarle avanti. Finché anche tu mi hai chiesto di omologarmi e
io non potevo davvero farlo.
Sono stato contento e lo sono
tutt’ora della (dura) esperienza che ho avuto nel tentativo di avere una
famiglia con te. Ma è ingiusto che ora, dopo il divorzio, io debba essere
forzato ad avere una relazione con te (e il tuo nuovo compagno): non abbiamo
gli stessi valori, non abbiamo lo stesso modo di divertirci, mi chiedo che
senso abbia tutto ciò.
A proposito di SHOGO, io capisco
la sua presenza per le tue necessità di sicurezza personale, soprattutto lo
scorso aprile. Infatti, inizialmente, io credevo che addirittura fosse una
sorta di poliziotto e quindi per vedere mia figlia, faccio questo ed altro. Ma
stare lì ad assistere alle tue effusioni amorose è senza senso. Poi, mi sento
comunque in dovere di offrirgli da mangiare con tutto il tempo che perde. Ma
non siamo amici, nemmeno con te ormai e non ho particolare piacere a stare con
voi. L’altra volta almeno avevamo scambiato qualche frase, questa volta non ha
detto nulla.
Per mia fortuna, al momento ho un
buon reddito e mi ha fatto piacere pagare la maggior parte delle spese. Ho dato
la busta con il rimborso delle spese di viaggio e di pernottamento per darvi
una vacanza dignitosa. E cosa vengo a scoprire? Che avete dormito tutti e tre
nello stesso letto.
Io non posso nemmeno vedere mia
figlia mentre un estraneo può starci addirittura nello stesso letto!
Questo fa emergere una volta in
più di come il Giappone abbia una prospettiva legale distorta, dove non vengono
garantiti i diritti minimi e dove si spiana la strada alla violenza sociale
come forma di regolazione e gerarchizzazione della società e che di conseguenza
crea dei traumi infantili irrecuperabili (così da controllare meglio la
società).
E sentire che mia figlia ha
dormito nello stesso letto con un uomo con il quale non ha nessuna relazione di
parentela, mi fa accapponare la pelle, mi vengono i brividi! Cos’è questa,
perversione? Degenerazione? Di entrambi a questo punto!
Mi viene da domandarmi se una
persona con un po’ di sentimento e responsabilità non si sarebbe dovuta
rifiutare a fare una cosa del genere. Questo lo dico pensando a lui. E tu, madre,
in base a cosa spingi tua figlia a una situazione del genere?
Cioè, tu ti scegli un compagno e
mia figlia ci deve dormire assieme? Lui non dice nulla? Ha qualche convenienza?
Do i soldi per l’alloggio e il
viaggio di mia figlia e devo sentire queste cose? E io che sono il padre non
posso nemmeno vederla?
Tra le altre cose, tu non hai mai
chiarito a me chi è questa persona e che ruolo abbia rispetto a mia figlia.
Quindi dovrei io intuire che questo tipo è il tuo compagno, se dorme nello
stesso letto di mia figlia? A questo punto, sono io che spero che questa
persona sia il tuo compagno, perché sennò qua siamo ai limiti di ogni
concezione umana, avvallata dallo Stato Giapponese. In Italia per un fatto del
genere si finisce in galera, ma sembra che in Giappone il mondo sia totalmente
alla rovescia. Mi sarebbe venuta voglia di andare dalla polizia e vedere cosa
mi avrebbero detto. E credo che di questo fatto avviserò l’ambasciata.
Siamo sicuri che qua non ci sia
qualche forma di abuso? Anche da parte tua. Decidi unilateralmente delle cose
davvero scioccanti. Tra l’altro la bambina ha chiaramente dimostrato e
dichiarato il suo disagio e la sua contrarietà sul fatto. Del resto è lei che
me lo ha riportato con sbigottimento e fastidio.
Per me, quello che ho sentito è un
abominio, ma cerco di stare calmo. Però, se ci saranno abusi o traumi per
Haruka, qualcuno pagherà, prima o poi qualcuno pagherà. E non è una minaccia
perché succederà solo se questo verrà accertato. E questo va oltre il caso in
oggetto.
Io credo di intuire che l’ultima volta, tu speravi di non
venire a Tokyo, di farmi innervosire e hai fatto tutto all’ultimo. Così magari
non hai trovato una stanza adeguata. Però se tu ti prendevi per tempo, mi
dicevi quanto avresti speso e ti pagavo la stanza per Haruka. Ma forse dietro
ci sono cose che non so, che non mi interessano nemmeno, però sarebbe da fare
almeno un po’ di chiarezza e farmi sapere quali sono i rapporti relazionali tra
te e SHOGO e quali sono le implicazioni rispetto a Haruka.
Riguardo la nostra relazione, quindi,
permettimi solo di mantenere vivo il mio sogno d’amore. Come dicevo, io spero
di vivere almeno altri 30 anni e ho bisogno di quel ricordo bellissimo che mi
ha consentito di arrivare fino a qua, in questi ultimi 10 anni che sono stati
pesantissimi. E solo il ricordo dei fortissimi sentimenti che ho avuto nei tuoi
confronti, mi ha consentito di rimanere in vita.
Sei stata l'emozione più bella e
più potente che abbia mai sentito. Forse mi sono sbagliato su chi tu fossi.
Forse ti sei sbagliata pure tu. Ma non rimpiango nulla e invece ti ringrazio.
Solo che non riconosco più in te la donna che ho amato. E pure i ricordi che dovevano essere
indimenticabili, alle volte si annebbiano.
Ora hai un’altra allegria, forse
anche maggiore. Si vede che stai bene con il tuo compagno. Ti guardo e non sono
geloso. Non ti riconosco nemmeno più. Ma anche dopo questo ultimo incontro, mi
chiedevo che senso ha tutto ciò? Io ho amato un’altra Mutsumi, cosa ho da
spartire con questi due soggetti che non dicono nulla? Almeno ad aprile
qualcosa con Shogo si era detto, ma questa volta davvero nulla, né da te né da
lui.
E poi, diciamocelo, siamo di mondi
culturali e intellettivi differenti: io giusto per dire mai andrei a vedere una
partita allo stadio e da Hello Kitty ci sono venuto solo per stare con nostra
figlia. Per me sono attività non attinenti al mio intelletto e visione della
vita. E non vorrei sembrarti snob in questo. Pure mia madre aveva
quell’approccio popolano e mio padre (lui sì era davvero un intellettuale), lo
sopportava a malapena.
Io ti ringrazio pure del divorzio.
È stata una scelta di libertà per entrambi. Tu hai scelto di darmi
l’opportunità di essere il tuo compagno molti anni fa. Giustamente hai deciso
di tagliare la relazione e io questo non lo contesto (anche se all’inizio non
lo volevo accettare e so che ti ho dato molto fastidio). Io questo non lo
contesto perché tu sei libera. Come detto più volte se il mio amore fosse stato
fasullo, forse ti avrei dimenticata velocemente. Nel contempo non ti ho mai
considerato una mia proprietà e quindi per me va bene che non ci si veda più.
Ti devo incontrare solo perché ho
un obbligo morale e sentimentale nei confronti di Haruka. Ma per me ti puoi
fare da parte e io non ho davvero bisogno di vederti più. Perché vederti, con
questo tuo atteggiamento duro, sfrontato, ai limiti della maleducazione, nei
miei confronti rovina il ricordo che ho di te, che io non ho interesse a
cambiare e che mi è necessario per vivere. Mi serve per il mio equilibrio
psicologico.
Quindi, per me, appena
possibile, lasciami vedere Haruka da solo, perché si sta creando una situazione
non sostenibile. E parlo contro il mio interesse. Infatti, vedo che Haruka ha
piacere di vedermi perché crede che noi si possa diventare una famiglia. Io non
so davvero se sarebbe così felice e desiderosa di vedermi senza di te. Perché
io per lei non sono così importante. E se non vorrà vedermi, io lo accetterò,
anche se, come già detto, non smetterò di venire in Giappone finché lei non
sarà maggiorenne (e se avrò soldi).
Ho voluto avere con te una figlia
perché ti volevo felice. Haruka ti vuole bene ma se sei stufa di lei io sono
pronto a prenderla. Non mi piacciono le smorfie che fai quando Haruka chiede a
chi somiglia e poi dici anche che non ti assomiglia per niente. Secondo me la
fai soffrire. Lei ti somiglia tanto, anche se effettivamente assomiglia anche
tanto alla mia famiglia. Non riesco a capire come tu possa negare ciò. Ad ogni
modo, tu la tieni veramente bene, la tieni pulita, curata, l’hai educata
davvero bene. E poi devo dire che a me sembra che lei abbia proprio un bel
carattere. Deve quindi essere sostenuta, aiutata. Avrà molti problemi nella sua
vita giapponese perché considerata diversa. Se anche da parte di sua madre non
sente il giusto sostegno, potrebbe avere dei traumi laceranti.
E in questo quadro devo ancora
dire che è importante per la bambina avere anche la figura del padre, il più
possibile, vicino. Deve sapere che può contare su di me. Questo anche se va
contro le idee pedagogiche giapponesi, che secondo me sono totalmente
sbagliate. Non escludo che possano funzionare per i giapponesi che lo sono
totalmente dal punto di vista genetico, ma Haruka non lo è, e quindi ti chiedo
un occhio di riguardo.
Tu non mi consenti e mi impedisci
di avere una CONTINUITÀ RELAZIONALE con nostra figlia. Quelle poche ore
all’anno che mi fai vedere la bambina non costruiscono le strutture necessarie
per il benessere psicologico della bambina. Anzi, oramai è tardi per creare
queste necessarie connessioni neuronali a livello cerebrale, perché queste si
formano in determinati periodi della crescita (si chiama “timing neuronale”).
Quindi, questo approccio che hai, non lo pago io in prima persona, lo paga
Haruka e un giorno lei sicuramente te lo farà presente.
Haruka soffre per il tuo
atteggiamento. L’ho sentita molto regredita nell’utilizzo della lingua inglese.
Probabilmente perché non c’è più la sua amica con la quale parlava. Mi
piacerebbe parlare di queste cose con te, in maniera aperta e tranquilla, ma è
impossibile. Mi sembra che tu cerchi solo lo scontro.
Ti proporrei ad esempio di pagarle
delle lezioni di inglese, ma solo se lei ne avesse voglia, senza forzarla.
Anzi, sai cosa sarebbe la cosa migliore da fare? Che io e lei ci sentissimo via
Skype o altro mezzo simile e facessimo un po’ di lezione assieme, così
miglioreremmo entrambi il nostro inglese e si creerebbe un vero rapporto. Io
chiederei anche a te di partecipare, ma mi rendo conto che questo va molto
oltre, non solo alla auspicabile realtà, ma va proprio oltre ai possibili sogni
che uno potrebbe fare.
Quindi, la mia speranza è che il
prima possibile io possa incontrare da solo Haruka. Dopo tutto è chiaro che non
ho intenzione di portare via Haruka, del resto come potrei? Prima di tutto per
lei. Ma è proprio impossibile praticamente. Io davvero credo che tu sia una
brava persona e che lei ti voglia bene. È giusto che stia con te almeno finché
lei non diventi un peso per te. Da quel momento, io sono disposto ad
accoglierla nella mia vita. Ora posso anche mantenerla. Se lei fosse già un
peso per te, non farla soffrire, considera tutte le possibili opzioni.
Parlando dell’eredità e del
fatto che mi sono sentito accusato (quando io cerco semplicemente di vivere la
mia vita), ripeto che sei una persona che riesce a vedere avanti; io invece
sono un po’ più scarso da quel punto di vista. Però bisogna anche dire che
certe volte questa tua caratteristica positiva ti fa andare in ansia e poi, a
meno per quello che è successo a me, tendi ad essere troppo assertiva (e a me
questo mi intimidisce e mi mette a disagio). Quindi io considero il tuo punto
di vista, ma devi darmi pure il tempo di capire e cercare una soluzione per
trovare un compromesso. Perché è fuori luogo che tu mi dica cosa fare della e
nella mia mia vita: mi hai abbandonato, praticamente cacciandomi, cercando di
escludermi dalla vita di Haruka, violentandomi nei miei sentimenti e quindi tu
non appartieni più al mio mondo e alla mia vita appunto. E tu non puoi dire
nulla su cosa faccio.
Ho comunque cercato di ascoltare
il tuo punto di vista, perché io davvero non sono arrabbiato con te (mi hai
dato la più grande gioia della mia vita permettendomi di innamorarmi di te e di
poterti amare, che se anche mi hai lasciato, siamo pari; mi rimane l’amarezza
di come hai trattato mia madre e i suoi sentimenti e mi infastidisco perché non
mi permetti una continuità relazionale con Haruka, ma davvero, fai la tua vita
che io faccio la mia).
E quindi noto qualcosa di
sbagliato nel tuo punto di vista, nelle tue richieste per evitare problemi ad
Haruka se morissi. Immagina se dovessi astenermi dal fare affari perché, nel
futuro, Haruka potrebbe avere problemi con l’eredità. È una cosa incredibile se
uno ci pensasse bene su. Con la tua idea di eredità, io non dovrei avere
nemmeno una macchina. Perché anche quella sarà di Haruka se muoio. Non dovrei
nemmeno lavorare. E allora per vivere io cosa dovrei fare, annullarmi? Ma poi,
perché dirmelo così violentemente che tu non sei d’accordo con le mie scelte di
vita? L’unica scusante che ti do è che volevi evitare una lunga discussione
estenuante, pesante, al limite del litigio, che avrei messo in piedi per
giustificare la mia posizione. Spero comunque che in queste tue richieste non
ci siano altre ragioni nascoste.
Ad ogni modo, ha senso che io
faccia la mia vita, che io cerchi di realizzarmi e fare cose, perché la vita è
una sola e io la mia non la voglio annullare per le paranoie altrui.
Quindi la soluzione ai tuoi dubbi,
in realtà, è molto semplice.
Anche se io avrei piacere di
lasciare qualcosa a mia figlia (come i miei genitori hanno fatto con me) e
anche se non so effettivamente se ce la posso fare, devi sapere che comunque
per la legge italiana almeno il 50% del mio patrimonio è di Haruka (pensavo
fosse 1/3 ma è per altri casi, non per figli unici; certo che se mi sposassi di
nuovo o comunque se avessi altri figli, le percentuali cambiano ancora, è una
legge un po’ complessa). Quindi, anche se lei mi odiasse, se mi avesse detto di
sparire dalla sua vita eccetera io non posso volontariamente escluderla dalla “quota
legittima” che le spetta per legge. Devi anche sapere che le eredità qua
costano molto ma molto meno che in Giappone: fai conto che fino a 1 milione di
Euro, praticamente non si paga nulla. Sopra il milione di euro, un figlio paga
il 4%. Tra l’altro, se l’erede non avesse soldi, tramite un prestito bancario
specifico, la banca gli anticipa le spese e poi ripaga quando viene in possesso
dei beni. E comunque io non arriverò mai a quelle cifre!
Quindi per Haruka a parte
qualche costo di bolli e del professionista (4/5000 euro) potrebbe prendersi
quel po’ che le lascio.
Ad ogni modo tu dici che Haruka
avrà problemi perché non conosce la lingua e il sistema italiano e che seppur
ci si può fidare dei miei parenti, non è sufficiente. Benissimo! La
soluzione è questa: si può rinunciare all’eredità. Sul momento non ci avevo
pensato perché per me è una cosa positiva e relativamente semplice fare le cose
quando ci sono dei soldi. E anche se ci sono dei piccoli sforzi da fare, si è
sempre ripagati. I problemi ci sono se mancano i soldi! Ed ecco perché non mi
preoccupavo assolutamente: Haruka non si basa su di me per vivere, ma se muoio,
potrà ricevere un piccolo patrimonio che al momento si aggira sui 130 mila
euro. È quasi nulla, però, insomma, a una ragazzina può dare una libertà di
scelta, di studio e di viaggio. Se vivrò a lungo, invece, molti di quei soldi
saranno utilizzati per la mia vecchiaia. E quindi lei prenderà poco.
Quindi, nel momento in cui muoio,
Haruka potrà scegliere di rinunciare alla mia eredità. Infatti attraverso
l’ambasciata verrà informata del fatto e potrà fare la scelta di rinunciare.
C’è un altro caso, se io per
scelta avessi devoluto il restante 50% del mio patrimonio ad altri, ad esempio
i miei nipoti. Loro per accedere all’eredità devono, tramite il comune e il
Tribunale, chiedere ad Haruka se accetta l’eredità o meno. E quindi di nuovo
tramite l’ambasciata (o meglio il consolato) verrà contattata e potrà
rinunciare.
Chiaro è che non puoi decidere tu,
soprattutto in anticipo. Se Haruka sarà minorenne in quel momento, ci potrebbe
essere la nomina di un tutore per i sui diritti (che in questo caso è il
console italiano). Ma potresti essere anche tu o qualcun altro. Ma credo che
scriverò a questo punto nel testamento che mio fratello o mia sorella siano
tutori dei diritti di Haruka in Italia, fintanto che lei non sarà maggiorenne
(18 anni in Italia). Il punto sta nel fatto che se non si fa testamento, tutto
costa meno ed è facilissimo fare la successione. Altrimenti viene più lunga e
costosa.
Sempre nello stesso quadro, si può
tenere bloccato il patrimonio fino alla maggiore età della bambina e poi lei
deciderà in autonomia. Vedremo.
In questo momento, se io non
scrivo nulla o non faccio testamento, Haruka con l’assistenza dell’ambasciata,
può rinunciare alla eredità.
Detto questo, c’è un nuovo
problema all’orizzonte: i miei famigliari hanno in progetto di venire in
Giappone nel 2026. Tutti assieme. Io non so che cosa gli sia venuto in mente (è
partito tutto ancora una volta da mia cognata Silvia, la stessa che mi aveva
consigliato di venire ad agosto del 2023 a trovare Haruka per il suo compleanno
e poi sappiamo che situazione disastrosa si è creata). Ho detto ai miei
famigliari che è molto probabile che non ci sarà la possibilità di vedere
Haruka. Hanno detto che va bene lo stesso. Certo è che loro avrebbero piacere
ad incontrarla.
A ogni modo, io vengo in marzo/aprile
e in novembre di quest’anno. Magari mi informi quando siete disponibili. Ma se
non dici niente, io compro comunque il biglietto.
Davvero un caro saluto. Un bacio
ad Haruka.
Andrea Meneghetti