INTRODUCTION
AND CONSIDERATIONS
If
there wasn’t Haruka now, for divorcing I would have asked a money
compensation because I have been used and discharged.
I have
to admit that Mutsumi and her family gave me an opportunity that I
wasn’t able to pick up completely, due mostly to my incapacity.
Mutsumi
and Kawauchi Family have left my mother dying like a dog. They
haven’t showed respect to her person and to her health condition.
Shame on Mutsumi. Shame on Kawauchi Family.
Already
in a mail of the 25th of August of 2015, I have said that
I was ready to divorce. The problem was that I couldn’t accept your
conditions that implied forgetting the existence of Haruka and my
rights to see Haruka (My rights about seeing Haruka go beyond
Japanese rules and Italians laws. It is a natural right that started
in my brain in the moment I know she is born. This implies that I
have to maintain her too).
I
cannot believe in anybody in Japan. I don’t even believe in Court.
I don’t believe that a subscribed paper will give me the chance to
see regularly Haruka. I don’t believe that if Mutsumi doesn’t
maintain the terms of the deal, anybody in Japan will ever help me.
So I have to be very careful and take precautions.
I
strongly believe that Mutsumi is starting to find a solution to the
situation because she needs (for some reason that I don’t know) and
not because she returned to be kind with me.
Now,
anyway, the priority is Haruka. So it is necessary to “bury the
hatchet”.
As I
always stated, it is important that Haruka stays with her mother. I
don’t want to bother their relationship. At the same time, I want
to stabilize a little relationship with my daughter, especially if I
have to provide some money for her life. It is important for me
(because I can have a reason to live and make efforts). But most
important it is for Haruka. I don’t know about Japan, but in Italy
children abandoned by the parents suffer a lot. It is better to have
an “oddball” father than nothing. An “oddball” father that in
some way can provide a little amount of money and give her the chance
to see the world.
Meeting
Haruka two days per year is nothing! From 2014 there are
International laws incorporated in Japanese rules that allow meetings
(and holidays) among children and separated parent. The cost for the
trial is around 8000 euros. I refused to do it because I am not
divorced yet. I will never sign a document where it is written that I
can see Haruka for only two days per year.
I agree
that I meet Haruka in moments and places where she can enjoy like
zoos, amusement parks, eating ice-cream etc.. And for sure we have to
listen and consider Haruka’s intentions, it is a priority. But we
cannot forget the days of bad weather (also in figurative way). So I
hope that we plan also some alternative option in order to avoid to
skip meetings for upcoming problems. I move from Italy. It is
expensive and tiring. It cannot be all cancelled for a thunderstorm
or for a cold.
I
promise that I will not come anymore to Shiozawa. I would like
instead to be again in Echigo-yuzawa and Muikamachi (See below why).
I will
never show photos of Haruka in Internet as required and for reasons
that I completely share. I have cut also all the personal information
I have put on Internet.
About
the blog “Let Haruka Knows”. I have created it in a hard
psychological moment. I was undergoing to a big personal abuse (like
now though). An abuse covered by Japanese and Italian Institutions. I
hadn’t ways to defend myself and release the psychological pressure
I was undergoing. I have found a “space” where I could act.
Nothing decisive. Nothing to be proud. But something that could work
in this structural hypocrisy where the only one suffering was me.
After the umpteenth situation where I have been humiliated, I have
raised the level of the confrontation. Risking a lot but determined
to go thoroughly. I have tried to limit myself to a point where we
could go back without many damages, but ready to lose everything,
also my personal liberty. And if it is necessary I can go further.
I have
done it also because I don’t know if one day Mutsumi and her family
will discharge Haruka too, in the same way they have done with me. I
have to keep an eye on it. I don’t know what is the ethics and the
idea of the life in Japan. We have already seen that the points of
view are always different. What is right in Italy is wrong in Japan
and vice versa. For instance, I don’t know if a child with problems
in school in Japan is “abandoned” or considered a shame. The fact
she is “half” is another concern that I have. I have read sad
things on Internet. I don’t want that Haruka goes under such
problems. Haruka must be accepted anyway. And what about if Mutsumi
will have health problems? Who will follow Haruka?
So, now
the blog is completely and totally emptied. I think that the things
that are seen on Internet are remains, debris on the net. If they
will not be cancelled in few time, I will deepen the reason why and I
will contact the service provider. Because, really, there isn’t
anything inside, only the title and the photo of the knitting. When
the things will start to go on the right track, I will cancel the
blog completely.
A last
thing. I read again on Mutsumi’s message the word “immediately”.
I want to say again that it is important to give time to things, in
order to let them may ripen. We have already made many errors because
Mutsumi couldn’t wait. If underlying the word “immediately”,
used in the message, there are also problems of money, I will try to
help for that. But it needs to speak openly because I am not anymore
favourable that the others take advantage of my good-faith and
kindness. Because I have lot of defects but Mutsumi knows that at the
end I have always done what she wanted because I am a too much good
man (or you can say a weak person, as you prefer). Another person in
my position would have already abandoned everything or sued
everybody. Instead I am still here trying to find a decent solution.
POINTS
UNCLEAR
Mutsumi
writes in her message: “...Constant
forehead pay the expense of bringing up children of Haruka every
year.”
Does
she mean “BEFOREHAND”? To say that I have to anticipate all the
amount of money in one single time? If I have understood well, which
is the date of starting this period every year, for Mutsumi?
What is
the reason why it is mandatory pay in a unique solution? Is there
some financial reason? Or there is the needs to be sure I will do my
part?
REQUESTS
- A
document (or a partial part, a photo or else) or some other
information where it is deducible WHEN Mutsumi’s Grandmother passed
away.
-
Compensation for having stolen me one year of my life and one year of
Haruka’s life.
(Because
we have to consider that in some extent also Haruka may have had a
damage. In Italy, she may ask a compensation for the rash behaviour
of the mother. In fact I would never have made the blog “Let Haruka
Knows” if Mutsumi accepted a normal relationship between two
divorcing parents. She covered her erratic behaviour speculating and
magnifying on my behavioural defects that were exacerbated by the
situation of mobbing that Mutsumi and her mother set and by the fact
I was abroad where I couldn’t speak with anybody and where I
couldn’t find a job. More, Haruka might have had a damage for the
fact she couldn’t meet the father and create the right
relationship. Also because I have always said that I was ready to
help economically. So basically she have lost one year of money, till
now).
-
Having the chance to see Haruka twice a year.
-
Having the chance to see Haruka through Skype connection once per
month.
-
Having at least two photos per month of Haruka.
-
Organized, automatic and defined way of information for emergencies.
PROPOSALS
- I
propose to fix the money for Haruka in 300 euros per month, 3600
euros per year.
I would
like to give more (and I know that I should give more) but for the
moment I cannot promise nothing more. My life is not going bad
economically but isn’t set yet. Living alone implies more expenses
compared when I was living with my mother. And more, having started
this little business in the sector of school education is still
uncertain in the results. Luckily till now (starting from January
2016 when I have opened) I have always earned sufficiently and I
could put away (very) little money for a pension plan and for Haruka.
If things will go well, at the end of every period I will try to give
something else. Promising more money now, just to impress, it would
be worst. Also because you need certainties as well. And sometimes
here the payments arrive late. It is better stay on the minimum
(basing the life on that) knowing that if necessary, I can give
something more.
There
is another problem. I cannot base my economic help on the Japanese
Yen. The exchange rate is too much floating. Now we are not really
lucky. The Yen is strong now, so my money is worth less. Hopefully
the Yen will be weaker in the future and the value will be restored.
Else at the end of the period I will put something more in order to
compensate the loss.
At the
end of the period (one year) I will send, more or less, a total
amount of 400000 Yen at the present exchange rate. (We are losing
around 85000 Yen per year compared to 2015).
I am
aware that I am giving you only the 2/3 of the expected amount of
money, but I have to live as well (I am doing already my sacrifices).
Italy is still in economical crisis and we are poorer than Japan. In
Northern Italy 200/300 euros per month is the normal amount of money
a divorced father has to pay to a mother for the child.
- I
will pay the amount of money due monthly or every two months. It is
hard for me pay all in once.
Since
Mutsumi wants the sum all together (if I have understood well), for
the first time, I can give the total amount of money. The problem is
that at the moment I am in a little shortage. From one side I am
waiting for some payments and all the others money are just put away
in assurances that cannot be used before one year. I couldn’t know
that you were asking me money now. But around the 26th of
October, I will have the liquidation of a bond coupon so I will pay
the first 3600 euros if you accept the deal. The following payments
will be done monthly, as already said. If you want I can start to
send the first 300 euros from September. Mutsumi will collect the
money and at the end of the period It will be the right amount.
Sometimes
I would like to give this money cash (for a lot of reasons that is
better I don’t explain here). We have to find a way to do this
thing. In any case it would be interesting meet twice a year also to
do these type of exchanges. Or find a way to send it through normal
postal letters, if Mutsumi can find a place where she can exchange
the euros easily.
- I
want the chance to see Haruka twice per year.
It
doesn’t mean that I will take both chances. In fact I will see
Haruka only if I will have enough money to move to Japan. If one year
I haven’t earned enough, I will not be in Japan.
I don’t
ask a defined amount of days, because Mutsumi cannot lose time with
me especially because she cannot put up my presence. (In the next
points there are options how these meetings might develop).
- It
would be beautiful if one of these two times may be a travel to
Italy. I would pay the expenses for both Mutsumi and Haruka.
Clearly
the meeting in Italy will happen if only I will have money to pay the
travel for both of them. It will happen only if Mutsumi and Haruka
will share completely the program proposed. Here it is better to say
clearly that it is very likely that I will pay the flight, the
accommodation and the basic food. For Haruka I will pay for her
entertainments and all her needs. I have checked that she doesn’t
need a private health insurance. And if one time, in order to save
money, or to have an easy rest and eat healthy, I will propose to
stay few days in my home, you have to know that there is a double
private room for them, with a private bathroom and lock/key doors, so
they can have totally privacy. We have to share only the kitchen. In
the worst hypothesis I can go to sleep in my sister’s home that is
usually free and not far from my home.
If
Mutsumi prefer we can start coming in Italy. And if she wants both
times can be in Italy. But it must be hard travel with a so young
child.
- I
would like sometimes to see Haruka to the Muikamachi’s library
where there is an area where children can play.
I
understand that Mutsumi doesn’t want to see me around there and her
family too. But there I know how I can move. And I hope that when
Haruka will be older she wants to meet me at the library. So Mutsumi
doesn’t need to lose time for me. If some day she is busy or she
feels sick, Haruka may come for few hours at the library with some
relative and spend some time together. I would like to leave open
this option. For example, since Mutsumi’s sister is so good with
children if she has time, I will pay her for bring Haruka to the
library. Or the mother or the father of Mutsumi, in free moments,
might help us for this. (You might think that I have something
against Mutsumi’s mother. For sure I am angry for her behaviour
toward me. But I really and profoundly admire her. Her strength and
her determination. I can understand that she acted in order to help
her daughter. We both instead of collaborate we have lost our
energies in confronting. I hope that for the sake of Haruka and
Mutsumi we can find a new way to cope. I understand that in the
project of Mutsumi and her family is that I never have to meet them
again. I suggest to be a little bit less “strict” because we
never know how life will go and it might be we still need each other.
I stop around here. I hope you can understand what I mean.).
- I
would like to have the chance to have a Skype connection with Haruka
monthly for one hour.
My idea
is just to see Haruka, how she moves, how she is growing, how she
plays. No need to say anything. I think that it might be very simple.
Mutsumi after having set a meeting has only to respond to the Skype
call clicking on the screen. It is not necessary say any word. Haruka
will play (for example) and in the meanwhile I do my things on
computer, I will watch her. Just sometimes if for example it is 10
minutes I cannot see her, I will ask to move the camera to see her.
There will be for sure connections problems (For example today I am
writing I couldn’t have any Internet connection!!). So, if I have
the connection problem, I will have lost the chance for that month to
see Haruka. If Mutsumi will have connection problems, I ask that she
reschedule the meeting.
- The
day when Mutsumi will send the schedule for the monthly Skype meeting
with Haruka, she may also send two photos of her.
- About
the compensation for having excluded me for so much time from
Haruka’s life, I left open the way I can have this compensation. I
want to see your sensibility on this topic.
- About
the organized and defined way of information for emergencies.
We know
that English is not widely spoken in Japan (nor in Italy to be
sincere). My worry is if Mutsumi will have a problem and she cannot
communicate with me. I would like that you decide a way to inform me
in that case. More mails already written on the different possible
topics. Someone will send to me just in case. Or a generic letter
that inform me there is something ongoing. Clearly there will be one
or two person responsible for this cases with already all the
addresses necessary for the task.
Now I
propose how it can be a normal meeting with Haruka. Especially in
these first years when Haruka is still very young.
First
of all it is likely that I will be in Japan in a week-end when there
is on the Monday a Japanese National Holiday (usually you have them
on Monday).
CASE A.
Echigoyuzawa – I will go and sleep in Echigoyuzawa (where I know
how to book, how to move around and how to buy food). Then I will
wait Mutsumi and Haruka in Echigoyuzawa station to go to Tokyo or to
the amusement park or whatever else. We sleep in Tokyo or elsewhere.
Then we do what is in plan. Then we take the train together and we go
back to Echigoyuzawa. After I will continue with my journey.
CASE B.
Also Muikamachi – The first day I will be in Japan, Friday evening,
Mutsumi and Haruka will arrive at the Muikamachi’s library where we
can have one hour of meeting in the children’s room. The day after
we will meet in Echigoyuzawa and we take the train to our
destination. We sleep in Tokyo or elsewhere. Then we do what is in
plan. Then we take the train together and we go back to Echigoyuzawa.
The day after I will meet again with Haruka and Mutsumi or one of her
relative at the Muikamachi’s library. After I will continue with my
journey.
CASE C.
Only Tokyo – I will be in Tokyo. I will sleep there. I will wait
for the arrival of Mutsumi and Haruka. Then we do what is in plan.
After I will continue with my journey.
It is
clear that Mutsumi will desire the Case C. And it is clear that I
prefer the Case B. For starting I think that the Case A is good.
Especially if there might be health problems.
Since I
will be each time at least 5-6 days in Japan, the days when I cannot
see Haruka, what is it supposed that I do during the day? The only
place I know is Muikamachi Library where I can go study or work on my
projects. We are lucky that they have finished it. It is really
beautiful, comfortable and plenty of conveniences.
If we
are in the Case A and something is going wrong as a health problem
with the baby or Mutsumi, I will wait till to have the chance to
meet. Having the library is a big possibility. I can pass my days
there. And if the baby recover, it is easy reach the place even for a
fast meetings. I know that it is in the same municipality of
Shiozawa, but what I can do?
Or
else, Mutsumi has to provide information where I can go to pass time
when I am in Japan. (I know that most people would like to spend time
around in Tokyo and other places like Kyoto. I would like too, but it
needs money and I have to save for Haruka. It is meaning less for me
going around alone spending money in a silly way. My interest in
Japan has always been in understanding better Mutsumi and for a
general cultural interest. I am not crazy about anything in Japan. I
am sorry. I am not fanatic not event for soccer or for Italian Art.
In Japan I like food a lot and I am really interested in agriculture
and how society is structured. In fact I always enjoyed working in
the fields with Mutsumi’s father. I think I have never complained.
Another thing is the fact I didn’t produced enough for Japanese
standards).
Concluding,
I want to say that first of all I will to provide the amount of money
I have promised. Only after I will try to be in Japan. Some year I
will not have the money to be there. So at least the Skype connection
will allow me see Haruka growing.
Sorry
for be so long. But we are speaking about our lives for the next
20/25 years. It was important for me to be clear and exhaustive.
Mutsumi
asked that I didn’t get emotional reading her message. It was a
good advice.
I ask
that she read calmly and thoroughly this letter to understand the
shades of meaning and the will to find a fair and respectful solution
for all the parts.
Yours
Sincerely.
Andrea
Meneghetti
