Anniversary + Dead Man Walking

January, 15th 2019

Dear Mutsumi,

Today it would be our Anniversary. I remember well that day of 5 years ago. Many things happened and many things changed in the meanwhile.

I clearly understand when you say that you cannot accept my present. I will keep it like all the presents I did you. Who knows if one day we will laugh on all this, using these presents to remember our lives.

However, I want to explain what the present is: it is a “crystal bomboniera”, similar to those we used to do presents at our wedding. This present hasn’t an important economical value. This present is important for the idea it is behind: it wanted to substitute the broken bomboniera you held because you gave the good one to your friend (who was divorcing as well in those days, if I remember well). I have always seen in that broken bomboniera as a bad omen: my love for you was not broken and not cheap.

Anyway, things have gone to another direction, also for my fault. And hopefully Haruka will be the beautiful diamond of our past relationship.

About Haruka, I still strongly hope you may consider to let me have a little space in her life. Now I know that there is a Japanese culture that says “forget your child if you don’t live with her” . But I really cannot understand. It is against every ethics on life and on society I have. The idea of her and not having the chance to see her growing, put me in despair. I am a dead man walking. I may not survive this (I don’t want to be too much tragic… but…). I have done many efforts to be better, but if I cannot have a hope, I don’t know…

I hoped to establish a light friendship with you, in order to cope with the possible meetings with Haruka. I have given up also about it, suffering a lot… You meant a lot for me, in my all life, not only as a mate, but as a person who came in my life. It is hard to erase you. However it was interesting see how much you changed too. 

So, I will try to disappear till the judgment, in March. Having the judgment, I will decide what to do and how to proceed. I hope you may suspend, as well, the idea of erasing me completely from Haruka’s life.

Bye!

Andrea