Again I try

October 2016


Dear Mutsumi,

I really thank you with all my heart. After your decision to send photos has allowed me to be more relaxed and happy. I am not anxious anymore as before. Living knowing that there is a daughter somewhere without any information about her, isn’t easy!

The photos are really beautiful! Haruka is really funny! It is shocking see how much Haruka seems to my niece Margherita. I don’t know why you where worried about the quality of the photos. Whatever you sent for me is always good! I have a pure interest in my daughter. I am not following this situation with the aim to bother you, or as a revenge. My feelings are sincere and heavy to bear at the same time. I feel guilty for what I haven’t done in life. I feel guilty for what I am not doing for this daughter. I cannot think that my daughter is lost or needs help.

I can understand that this strong “attachment”  to a daughter never known is different from Japanese way of thinking but try to understand also Italian way to live. I meet sometimes my uncles and aunts. They always ask about my situation, about Haruka and about you. My siblings, as well, ask always.  But they try to not bother knowing that I suffer so much. They try to avoid to judge. They try to stay neutral. In Italy we live a lot interconnected with the family. The fact you have sent photos has eased the situation. Seeing Haruka so beautiful and healthy has brought a bit of serenity in all family. For me it has been so great that I can also overcome the anger I felt  toward you.

Take it easy! I have understood that you are sending the photos only to avoid that I be there in Japan. I know that you haven’t changed your attitude towards me and you are still trying to manage the situation in order to eliminate me as soon as possible.

You say that you are doing all this to protect Haruka. If that is true, I say that you are a great mother. To me it seems that you are using Haruka for your personal interest. Time will tell.

At the same time, I say that I am waiting your answer about my proposal. I will not step back. Till I have a little bit of energy, I will work in order to have a relationship with my daughter. I don’t have any other interest in life.

You are not forced to accept my proposal. I can receive also an alternative one. If you are clear I will not do other requirements till May, when we will meet in Italy.

Anyway I will not wait forever. Since you have sent the photos, I will not be there soon. I don’t need to be there. I just want to see my daughter live. But if you don’t answer, I will be there sooner or later.

I want to be clear. If you don’t send any answer I will not be in Japan till the end of January. You have sent the photos. You have been considerate and honest. I want to be as well. After January I will start to think to move. It is so urgent for me to see my daughter live that I really cannot control myself.

It is really sad that I have to use my intelligence to ruin your life and Haruka’s life just because you decided that I cannot see her. I don’t think that it is easy find a solution. But you have to find one. I have asked you from a lot of time.

Bye.

Andrea