Trials of agreement

INTRODUCTION AND CONSIDERATIONS

If there wasn’t Haruka now, for divorcing I would have asked a money compensation because I have been used and discharged.

I have to admit that Mutsumi and her family gave me an opportunity that I wasn’t able to pick up completely, due mostly to my incapacity.

Mutsumi and Kawauchi Family have left my mother dying like a dog. They haven’t showed respect to her person and to her health condition. Shame on Mutsumi. Shame on Kawauchi Family.

Already in a mail of the 25^th of August of 2015, I have said that I was ready to divorce. The problem was that I couldn’t accept your conditions that implied forgetting the existence of Haruka and my rights to see Haruka (My rights about seeing Haruka go beyond Japanese rules and Italians laws. It is a natural right that started in my brain in the moment I know she is born. This implies that I have to maintain her too).

I cannot believe in anybody in Japan. I don’t even believe in Court. I don’t believe that a subscribed paper will give me the chance to see regularly Haruka. I don’t believe that if Mutsumi doesn’t maintain the terms of the deal, anybody in Japan will ever help me. So I have to be very careful and take precautions.

I strongly believe that Mutsumi is starting to find a solution to the situation because she needs (for some reason that I don’t know) and not because she returned to be kind with me.

Now, anyway, the priority is Haruka. So it is necessary to “bury the hatchet”.

As I always stated, it is important that Haruka stays with her mother. I don’t want to bother their relationship. At the same time, I want to stabilize a little relationship with my daughter, especially if I have to provide some money for her life. It is important for me (because I can have a reason to live and make efforts). But most important it is for Haruka. I don’t know about Japan, but in Italy children abandoned by the parents suffer a lot. It is better to have an “oddball” father than nothing. An “oddball” father that in some way can provide a little amount of money and give her the chance to see the world.

Meeting Haruka two days per year is nothing! From 2014 there are International laws incorporated in Japanese rules that allow meetings (and holidays) among children and separated parent. The cost for the trial is around 8000 euros. I refused to do it because I am not divorced yet. I will never sign a document where it is written that I can see Haruka for only two days per year.

I agree that I meet Haruka in moments and places where she can enjoy like zoos, amusement parks, eating ice-cream etc.. And for sure we have to listen and consider Haruka’s intentions, it is a priority. But we cannot forget the days of bad weather (also in figurative way). So I hope that we plan also some alternative option in order to avoid to skip meetings for upcoming problems. I move from Italy. It is expensive and tiring. It cannot be all cancelled for a thunderstorm or for a cold.

I promise that I will not come anymore to Shiozawa. I would like instead to be again in Echigo-yuzawa and Muikamachi (See below why).

I will never show photos of Haruka in Internet as required and for reasons that I completely share. I have cut also all the personal information I have put on Internet.

About the blog “Let Haruka Knows”. I have created it in a hard psychological moment. I was undergoing to a big personal abuse (like now though). An abuse covered by Japanese and Italian Institutions. I hadn’t ways to defend myself and release the psychological pressure I was undergoing. I have found a “space” where I could act. Nothing decisive. Nothing to be proud. But something that could work in this structural hypocrisy where the only one suffering was me. After the umpteenth situation where I have been humiliated, I have raised the level of the confrontation. Risking a lot but determined to go thoroughly. I have tried to limit myself to a point where we could go back without many damages, but ready to lose everything, also my personal liberty. And if it is necessary I can go further.

I have done it also because I don’t know if one day Mutsumi and her family will discharge Haruka too, in the same way they have done with me. I have to keep an eye on it. I don’t know what is the ethics and the idea of the life in Japan. We have already seen that the points of view are always different. What is right in Italy is wrong in Japan and vice versa. For instance, I don’t know if a child with problems in school in Japan is “abandoned” or considered a shame. The fact she is “half” is another concern that I have. I have read sad things on Internet. I don’t want that Haruka goes under such problems. Haruka must be accepted anyway. And what about if Mutsumi will have health problems? Who will follow Haruka?

So, now the blog is completely and totally emptied. I think that the things that are seen on Internet are remains, debris on the net. If they will not be cancelled in few time, I will deepen the reason why and I will contact the service provider. Because, really, there isn’t anything inside, only the title and the photo of the knitting. When the things will start to go on the right track, I will cancel the blog completely.

A last thing. I read again on Mutsumi’s message the word “immediately”. I want to say again that it is important to give time to things, in order to let them may ripen. We have already made many errors because Mutsumi couldn’t wait. If underlying the word “immediately”, used in the message, there are also problems of money, I will try to help for that. But it needs to speak openly because I am not anymore favourable that the others take advantage of my good-faith and kindness. Because I have lot of defects but Mutsumi knows that at the end I have always done what she wanted because I am a too much good man (or you can say a weak person, as you prefer). Another person in my position would have already abandoned everything or sued everybody. Instead I am still here trying to find a decent solution.

POINTS UNCLEAR

Mutsumi writes in her message: “...Constant forehead pay the expense of bringing up children of Haruka every year.”

Does she mean “BEFOREHAND”? To say that I have to anticipate all the amount of money in one single time? If I have understood well, which is the date of starting this period every year, for Mutsumi?

What is the reason why it is mandatory pay in a unique solution? Is there some financial reason? Or there is the needs to be sure I will do my part?

REQUESTS

- A document (or a partial part, a photo or else) or some other information where it is deducible WHEN Mutsumi’s Grandmother passed away.

- Compensation for having stolen me one year of my life and one year of Haruka’s life.

(Because we have to consider that in some extent also Haruka may have had a damage. In Italy, she may ask a compensation for the rash behaviour of the mother. In fact I would never have made the blog “Let Haruka Knows” if Mutsumi accepted a normal relationship between two divorcing parents. She covered her erratic behaviour speculating and magnifying on my behavioural defects that were exacerbated by the situation of mobbing that Mutsumi and her mother set and by the fact I was abroad where I couldn’t speak with anybody and where I couldn’t find a job. More, Haruka might have had a damage for the fact she couldn’t meet the father and create the right relationship. Also because I have always said that I was ready to help economically. So basically she have lost one year of money, till now).

- Having the chance to see Haruka twice a year.

- Having the chance to see Haruka through Skype connection once per month.

- Having at least two photos per month of Haruka.

- Organized, automatic and defined way of information for emergencies.

PROPOSALS

- I propose to fix the money for Haruka in 300 euros per month, 3600 euros per year.

I would like to give more (and I know that I should give more) but for the moment I cannot promise nothing more. My life is not going bad economically but isn’t set yet. Living alone implies more expenses compared when I was living with my mother. And more, having started this little business in the sector of school education is still uncertain in the results. Luckily till now (starting from January 2016 when I have opened) I have always earned sufficiently and I could put away (very) little money for a pension plan and for Haruka. If things will go well, at the end of every period I will try to give something else. Promising more money now, just to impress, it would be worst. Also because you need certainties as well. And sometimes here the payments arrive late. It is better stay on the minimum (basing the life on that) knowing that if necessary, I can give something more.

There is another problem. I cannot base my economic help on the Japanese Yen. The exchange rate is too much floating. Now we are not really lucky. The Yen is strong now, so my money is worth less. Hopefully the Yen will be weaker in the future and the value will be restored. Else at the end of the period I will put something more in order to compensate the loss.

At the end of the period (one year) I will send, more or less, a total amount of 400000 Yen at the present exchange rate. (We are losing around 85000 Yen per year compared to 2015).

I am aware that I am giving you only the 2/3 of the expected amount of money, but I have to live as well (I am doing already my sacrifices). Italy is still in economical crisis and we are poorer than Japan. In Northern Italy 200/300 euros per month is the normal amount of money a divorced father has to pay to a mother for the child.

- I will pay the amount of money due monthly or every two months. It is hard for me pay all in once.

Since Mutsumi wants the sum all together (if I have understood well), for the first time, I can give the total amount of money. The problem is that at the moment I am in a little shortage. From one side I am waiting for some payments and all the others money are just put away in assurances that cannot be used before one year. I couldn’t know that you were asking me money now. But around the 26^th of October, I will have the liquidation of a bond coupon so I will pay the first 3600 euros if you accept the deal. The following payments will be done monthly, as already said. If you want I can start to send the first 300 euros from September. Mutsumi will collect the money and at the end of the period It will be the right amount.

Sometimes I would like to give this money cash (for a lot of reasons that is better I don’t explain here). We have to find a way to do this thing. In any case it would be interesting meet twice a year also to do these type of exchanges. Or find a way to send it through normal postal letters, if Mutsumi can find a place where she can exchange the euros easily.

- I want the chance to see Haruka twice per year.

It doesn’t mean that I will take both chances. In fact I will see Haruka only if I will have enough money to move to Japan. If one year I haven’t earned enough, I will not be in Japan.

I don’t ask a defined amount of days, because Mutsumi cannot lose time with me especially because she cannot put up my presence. (In the next points there are options how these meetings might develop).

- It would be beautiful if one of these two times may be a travel to Italy. I would pay the expenses for both Mutsumi and Haruka.

Clearly the meeting in Italy will happen if only I will have money to pay the travel for both of them. It will happen only if Mutsumi and Haruka will share completely the program proposed. Here it is better to say clearly that it is very likely that I will pay the flight, the accommodation and the basic food. For Haruka I will pay for her entertainments and all her needs. I have checked that she doesn’t need a private health insurance. And if one time, in order to save money, or to have an easy rest and eat healthy, I will propose to stay few days in my home, you have to know that there is a double private room for them, with a private bathroom and lock/key doors, so they can have totally privacy. We have to share only the kitchen. In the worst hypothesis I can go to sleep in my sister’s home that is usually free and not far from my home.

If Mutsumi prefer we can start coming in Italy. And if she wants both times can be in Italy. But it must be hard travel with a so young child.

- I would like sometimes to see Haruka to the Muikamachi’s library where there is an area where children can play.

I understand that Mutsumi doesn’t want to see me around there and her family too. But there I know how I can move. And I hope that when Haruka will be older she wants to meet me at the library. So Mutsumi doesn’t need to lose time for me. If some day she is busy or she feels sick, Haruka may come for few hours at the library with some relative and spend some time together. I would like to leave open this option. For example, since Mutsumi’s sister is so good with children if she has time, I will pay her for bring Haruka to the library. Or the mother or the father of Mutsumi, in free moments, might help us for this. (You might think that I have something against Mutsumi’s mother. For sure I am angry for her behaviour toward me. But I really and profoundly admire her. Her strength and her determination. I can understand that she acted in order to help her daughter. We both instead of collaborate we have lost our energies in confronting. I hope that for the sake of Haruka and Mutsumi we can find a new way to cope. I understand that in the project of Mutsumi and her family is that I never have to meet them again. I suggest to be a little bit less “strict” because we never know how life will go and it might be we still need each other. I stop around here. I hope you can understand what I mean.).

- I would like to have the chance to have a Skype connection with Haruka monthly for one hour.

My idea is just to see Haruka, how she moves, how she is growing, how she plays. No need to say anything. I think that it might be very simple. Mutsumi after having set a meeting has only to respond to the Skype call clicking on the screen. It is not necessary say any word. Haruka will play (for example) and in the meanwhile I do my things on computer, I will watch her. Just sometimes if for example it is 10 minutes I cannot see her, I will ask to move the camera to see her. There will be for sure connections problems (For example today I am writing I couldn’t have any Internet connection!!). So, if I have the connection problem, I will have lost the chance for that month to see Haruka. If Mutsumi will have connection problems, I ask that she reschedule the meeting.

- The day when Mutsumi will send the schedule for the monthly Skype meeting with Haruka, she may also send two photos of her.

- About the compensation for having excluded me for so much time from Haruka’s life, I left open the way I can have this compensation. I want to see your sensibility on this topic.

- About the organized and defined way of information for emergencies.

We know that English is not widely spoken in Japan (nor in Italy to be sincere). My worry is if Mutsumi will have a problem and she cannot communicate with me. I would like that you decide a way to inform me in that case. More mails already written on the different possible topics. Someone will send to me just in case. Or a generic letter that inform me there is something ongoing. Clearly there will be one or two person responsible for this cases with already all the addresses necessary for the task.

Now I propose how it can be a normal meeting with Haruka. Especially in these first years when Haruka is still very young.

First of all it is likely that I will be in Japan in a week-end when there is on the Monday a Japanese National Holiday (usually you have them on Monday).

CASE A. Echigoyuzawa – I will go and sleep in Echigoyuzawa (where I know how to book, how to move around and how to buy food). Then I will wait Mutsumi and Haruka in Echigoyuzawa station to go to Tokyo or to the amusement park or whatever else. We sleep in Tokyo or elsewhere. Then we do what is in plan. Then we take the train together and we go back to Echigoyuzawa. After I will continue with my journey.

CASE B. Also Muikamachi – The first day I will be in Japan, Friday evening, Mutsumi and Haruka will arrive at the Muikamachi’s library where we can have one hour of meeting in the children’s room. The day after we will meet in Echigoyuzawa and we take the train to our destination. We sleep in Tokyo or elsewhere. Then we do what is in plan. Then we take the train together and we go back to Echigoyuzawa. The day after I will meet again with Haruka and Mutsumi or one of her relative at the Muikamachi’s library. After I will continue with my journey.

CASE C. Only Tokyo – I will be in Tokyo. I will sleep there. I will wait for the arrival of Mutsumi and Haruka. Then we do what is in plan. After I will continue with my journey.

It is clear that Mutsumi will desire the Case C. And it is clear that I prefer the Case B. For starting I think that the Case A is good. Especially if there might be health problems.

Since I will be each time at least 5-6 days in Japan, the days when I cannot see Haruka, what is it supposed that I do during the day? The only place I know is Muikamachi Library where I can go study or work on my projects. We are lucky that they have finished it. It is really beautiful, comfortable and plenty of conveniences.

If we are in the Case A and something is going wrong as a health problem with the baby or Mutsumi, I will wait till to have the chance to meet. Having the library is a big possibility. I can pass my days there. And if the baby recover, it is easy reach the place even for a fast meetings. I know that it is in the same municipality of Shiozawa, but what I can do?

Or else, Mutsumi has to provide information where I can go to pass time when I am in Japan. (I know that most people would like to spend time around in Tokyo and other places like Kyoto. I would like too, but it needs money and I have to save for Haruka. It is meaning less for me going around alone spending money in a silly way. My interest in Japan has always been in understanding better Mutsumi and for a general cultural interest. I am not crazy about anything in Japan. I am sorry. I am not fanatic not event for soccer or for Italian Art. In Japan I like food a lot and I am really interested in agriculture and how society is structured. In fact I always enjoyed working in the fields with Mutsumi’s father. I think I have never complained. Another thing is the fact I didn’t produced enough for Japanese standards).

Concluding, I want to say that first of all I will to provide the amount of money I have promised. Only after I will try to be in Japan. Some year I will not have the money to be there. So at least the Skype connection will allow me see Haruka growing.

Sorry for be so long. But we are speaking about our lives for the next 20/25 years. It was important for me to be clear and exhaustive.

Mutsumi asked that I didn’t get emotional reading her message. It was a good advice.

I ask that she read calmly and thoroughly this letter to understand the shades of meaning and the will to find a fair and respectful solution for all the parts.

Yours Sincerely.

Andrea Meneghetti