middle month crisis - 2300 - divorce documents

June 17th 2017


Dear Mutsumi,

I apologize in advance for this mail, but you know that I think of you and Haruka everyday. I need a little moment of relief.

It is hard to wait an entire month to receive a prove that you are going well and Haruka is growing. (I know that you don't care anymore about me and I try to accept it - It is also likely that you have a new relationship)

Life is hard and short. We are consuming it and our best years in this meaningless fight.

But I don't care since after our reunion my life has changed. Thanks to you I have understood that it needs to work hard: to raise children, to have a home, to have a pension, to have the money to go to the dentist (here it is quite expensive) and to deserve a wife. 

In May, I have earned 2300 euros (good for Italy). It is a good sign for me. It means that something has been done. It is hard and I don't know if this situation will last. I am on a roller coaster. But I don't want to get off this time.

I inform you about it because:

1- You and Haruka can be here whenever you want from now. You can be here even though you or I have another partner. 

2- I really tried to change, my temptative were genuine. It is clear that it is too late. You asked to be here in Italy in 2013. Only after 4 years I can earn a right amount of money (and I can live in economic serenity just because my mother left me the money to buy the apartment).

I'm exhausted but happy. It was long time I hadn't these feelings. Before I was only complaining. Now busy life is a reality I want to learn to accept. And to find out that it fulfills my existence. 

If I pick up an email from 2013, it is rich in love sentences, but also plenty of laments and plaintive sentences. How could you resist? 

Next step I have to try to be a professional. But this hope is already in the field of dreams: you taught me to stand more with the feets on ground.

I know that you don't believe me, but without you I couldn't ever recover myself. I will have gratitude for you all life long!

Every day I check the mailbox outside the home, with a good amount of anxiety. What should I do when I will receive the papers for the divorce?

It may be that I will not have time to answer to it (I am working too much, I am too much busy), so you will be happy having cancelled me from your life.

But the point is that a father shouldn't abandon a daughter. I have to hold on!

Let's see...

Bye.

Andrea