Thoughts + Court letter

April, 14th 2018

Amore Bello, Amore Caro, (Beautiful Love, Dear Love,)

More the time is passing and more I realize how much important you have been for my life!

Last week I made a bad mistake. I have payed a person that didn’t given me the service required. I had a doubt, but however I have payed. It has been because I have been too weak! After I was frustrated. The sum is ridiculous, but however I felt bad. Because in order to avoid problems, I have payed. I shouldn’t!

I have thought: “If Mutsumi and Haruka were relying on me and on my work, that money could be very important... I haven’t understood anything and I am not changed at all!”. “Could I return at home, if I had a family, after a so ridiculous error of incapacity?”. “Mutsumi had done the right thing cutting the relationship...”

In the following days, I have kept working, focusing in the need to hold on like you have taught me (trying to avoid to dream!).

Yesterday it was a good day. And in some way I have recovered the money. In fact with the good and qualified job I was hired for (teaching in a course of food safety), in few hour I earned the double of the amount of the money I have lost.

Yes, the error remains, but at least following your advices about work, now I can earn more money and in an easier way. And two female students tried to have a chance to see me after the course. Clearly I didn’t picked up the message (I was surprised anyway...).

When I was in the car back for home, I was thinking of you and saying how much fortunate I have been meeting you. And I have remembered the days when you were in Venice the first time, with me unshaven, a little dirty, always complaining... I really don’t know how you resisted. Thank you! You changed my life. I am still struggling but I see something good. I try to be more tidy and I think I am more cheerful with the others now, I give more, even though I am always making my “counts”.

In the car I have also thought about your right to have the divorce. For me it is painful, because I have really loved you, but it is your right to be free and have a new life. And also for me, if possible, to find another person to give the love I have inside instead keeping writing to you and bothering you.

I have spoken about a generic another person (male or female), because I haven’t chosen you because you were woman, beautiful, with milky skin, juicy lips, black hair etc.. I have chosen you in Toronto, when you came back from school in the morning, giving me farewell in December 2006 in the hall of the Youth Hostel. I still remember that day! I cannot forget. I have chosen you because you are beautiful inside. The fact that we are not completely matched, is another story.

The problem now is still the fact that in our two countries sons are considered in different ways and I cannot forget about my daughter, even though she wouldn’t meeting me.

By the way, I haven’t received your letter for the Court from you yet. I am not in hurry to divorce however, but is it everything ok?

Bye.

Andrea