Re: about the settlement

November the 3rd, 2019

Dear Mutsumi,

I am sorry hearing about your health condition. I hope you may stay better.

Thank you for the photos, it is always a pleasure to receive them.

About the settlement, I have to  deeply apologize. I have changed my mind after having told you that it was all right. It is a mistake I have done because I still think with my heart instead of thinking with my brain. You have to believe in my good faith.

I thank you for having changed the settlement but for me, at the moment, it isn’t enough: I want a clear commitment for you. I cannot believe only on words. I cannot believe in “targeting”.

I think that you have worked really well in order to compromise. I have to give you my compliments. I have asked a lot, and you have “sterilized” all my requests. I have done a lot of step down compared to what I asked from the beginning. I really want to resolve this issue but you have to give me some certainty. You have written a lot of things on the settlement, but actually if you want, you are able to avoid any meeting between me and Haruka for the next 15 years.

Effectively you have to declare if you want to let creating a relationship between me and Haruka: you never said yet! And you haven’t showed me the way this relationship may evolve. I am sorry if I am too much direct in showing my thoughts.

I don’t want to force you in any way. I am not playing. I want to finish all this. But I don’t see any future.

I don't want meet Haruka now for 3 days and after that, having to beg you to see her for other 15 years. Because this is what I see from all the dealing we have done.

I cannot believe in words, I have to rely on what is written on paper. After the divorce, you may disappear and I will remain with my anxiety on Haruka’s life. I cannot bear anything like that. I am tired. (I dream this daughter in the nights!). And we are wasting too much money we may use for Haruka’s future!

If you are not able to let me see Haruka for 5 days (70 hours) per year in the weekends, it is better to decide to avoid to meet at all. It is hard to say this after all the hopes I have put in this meeting. 5 days for Italian culture is nothing (and I don’t even know if I will have the money and the health to see her). I ask only this because I know Japan culture is different and you have your problems in accepting me. And I know you are doing a big sacrifice in finding a compromise because many of your relatives will never understand what you are doing. I don’t want to win you. Really, if I could I would forget everything, I would disappear and if I had money I would give to you and Haruka everything I have. But the reality is another: our life is unique, I have to live as long as I can, we met, I had strong feelings and we had this child that I cannot forget.

I am quite worried about the fact you cannot accept my body presence though. I don’t have anything against you, even though I have suffered a lot. You have been important for me and I will thank you forever for the chance you have given me. Now I don’t need anything from you. I am always sorry for your condition because I deeply loved you, but I am experiencing a new feeling about you. It is not even friendship, I can call it “human respect”. I am asking to myself if you are able to have this similar respect towards me. I only ask to you to let me have a very little space in Haruka’s life.

Even if you write the minimum amount of days on the settlement, you already know that you can avoid any contact between me and Haruka for many years, so I don’t understand where is the problem. However, please, let me know again your point of view on this part so if I can I might accept your proposal.

I stop here. I have written too much and I have written with my heart and not with my brain. And we have seen that it is too dangerous…

I apologize again for having changed my mind about the settlement and for the fact I am too much direct explaining my point of view.

Bye.

Andrea